3 Days

Now, considering this is a religious blog one might think that this post will refer to the three days that we waited for Jesus to rise from the dead. This is not the case! In three days my husband and I are taking our first official vacation (we did take a honeymoon but it was instate). We are going to Alaska! Yesterday I had off and kept myself super busy cleaning the house, packing, working out the day just flew! Today has gone SOOOOOO slow! I have literally done NO work as I have sat here at the office for 7 hours! I know bad bad me! There are a few small things I should do before I go but I can't just get myself motivated. I surfed the web a lot! Bad! Bad! Bad! I know!
On work relationship thing did happen though. Around this time of year the University had Freshmen registration. Out Newman Center has a little table over on campus where we sign up students of ALL denominations. We then contact the local churches in town and say, "Hey! Sally Smith is Lutheran and she is coming to the University in the Fall welcome her!" We also get our own folks too! I know my boss was a little peeved when I told him I'd be going on vacation during this time. He said something like, "You'll miss all of them!" Seriously! We've had this vacation (and airline tickets) planned since February and I didn't get the dates of registration until after the fact. The truth is, I'm only missing 4 of the 7. So today I did the responsible thing (I was looking for work to do) and asked him if there was anything he needed me to do for tomorrow. He said no. Then I asked what time I should be there and he said he had it covered. I instantaneous response was to say, "Oh, okay!" I then left his office and felt so cranky! I guess I just assumed I'd be there and he just assumed I wouldn't. I had to leave the office for an eye appointment and kept thinking about it the whole time. I also thought about how I was going to make an effort to be honest about my feelings and if I just let this go it would continue to make me angry. So after my appointment I went back to his office and simply said, "Would you like me to help out at any of the other registrations? You know, since I'll be around for some of them. I don't mind helping." He said sure and we set up some times. He also said I could come hang out tomorrow too if I wanted to.
Sigh! The communication issue is terrible! I just have to be the clarifier I guess. I seriously think that he thought I was going be gone for ALL of the registrations. Oh well. I'm glad I talked to him about it.
Yeah, so that's my story in a nutshell.
Over the weekend I spent a lot of time with high school friends at a bridal shower and bachlorette party. I managed to make to Mass early on Sunday morning. I looked around and thought about how I know so many more people now than I did two years ago when I accepted this job. It's still a work in progress but I am becoming more attached to this parish each day.

I think I saw Christ but....

So, yesterday as I was leaving the office (early I might add) a little boy, about 9 years old stopped me outside the church. He asked me if I had a dollar he could use to ride the bus. I didn't even think twice but checked my pockets to see if I had any money (which I didn't, never do!). I told him to hang on and I would go back to my office where I was sure I had some loose change. I was had my bike and for a brief moment thought that I should take the bike with me "just in case". The little boy followed me back into the church. He asked me if this was the University. I told him that it was a church and he replied that he hadn't been inside a church for years. I dug through my desk drawer and found a dollar in change. The boy and I walked out together. He offered to push my bike out of the building. I kindly replied that it was okay and, if he could just hold the door that would be great. For some reason in the back of my mind I thought he was out to get my bike. I have no idea where this thought came from! But it really bothered me. We left the building together and he stayed at the bus stop, right by our church. I find it so odd and confusing that I would have no qualms about giving him money but yet still didn't trust him.
Many times a month a person of need will come into our church looking for "the pastor" and ask for money. He and my other boss usually give it them therefore the news spreads that this church gives out money and more people come. Our priest has been robbed before. Myself, and the other women in the office NEVER give out money. I don't even bring my wallet or purse to the office half the time. I really can't make sense of why I felt okay about giving this boy money but then mistrusted his intentions. Needless to say, my bike is being stored inside my office rather than in the vestibule where I can't see it. Was I being a good Christian or not? Was I just taking precautions or did I have no need to fear? It's sad to me that in this day in age you just don't know.

Mercy

My daily meditation today talked about God's unconditional mercy and grace. Last night I had a dream, I'm not really sure what it was all about but it seemed to me that I was at the college I attended but working in the ministry that I am currently in. I made a suggestion to "my boss" and he turned it down, with a good explanation. This is very similar to what has happened in the past. For some reason, in my dream, I started to emotionally break down, feeling like I wanted to cry and that perhaps I should say something, stand up for myself but I didn't. I began to get frustrated because I didn't know what to say! In the dream I went somewhere private and did cry. I felt like I knew I had done something wrong, like I had let people down, like it was all my fault. Yet, I don't remember what it was that I did except for make that suggestion
How odd this dream seemed to me, especially since virtually NOTHING is going on around here involving our students and programming. I think part of me is fearful. I want to have this new found confidence. I do want to stand up for myself. But, I am worried that I will continually be shot down and that I won't be able to handle the constant rejection. I also, as always, don't want to let anyone down. When things go wrong I immediately tend to internalize it and blame myself.
On another note I must say it feels so luxurious to have so much free time in the evenings. Yesterday I got home, walked, played with, and fed the dog before my husband got home. Washed this dishes from the night before, knitted while watching tv, ate dinner with my husband, went shopping for some bachlorelette items I needed for a friend's party this weekend, picked up groceries we needed for tonight, picked up a book I needed, got home ans washed the dishes from last evenings supper, wrapped my girlfriend's bridal shower presents, read, and went to bed! All this before 10pm! I think the hardest part is transitioning between this easy time and the craziness that comes at the end of August and the beginning of September. I am definitely not thinking about that right now. Who knows? Maybe I'll be pregnant and can use that as a excuse!

Don't get dehydrated, spiritualy that is!

Ah yes, so much has seemed to have happened since I last posted. I just got finished viewing a Frontline report done in 1983 about an abortion clinic. Talk about depressing. Glad I didn't watch that on Friday! It was very good but I wish it would have ended with a follow up on the girls who were interviewed.
On to better and happier things. Our high school grad recognition Masses were this Sunday. I hardly knew some of the kids who we recognized. They would have been confirmed and involved in our youth ministry program before I came along. Many of them I had never even seen at church. I guess I could have felt sad about this but I didn't. I'm sure to their parents this was important and they were glad I did this. My hope is that the young people will remember this and perhaps recognize their importance to the Church. This is just an example of how I have recently come to a better understanding of what ministry is. I just have to keep inviting and putting my offers out there with the hope that some how I'll reach someone! I might NEVER see the difference I make but I know that this is all part of God's plan.
I met with my spiritual director yesterday and told her all about my recent conversations with "my boss" She was very pleased at what had transpired. She said I have really grown in the last year that we have been meeting. I feel like it was a long process and I'm sure that it is not even over yet but I too have recognized the growth. One thing I shared with her is that when things are going well I don't tend to pray, it's only when I am in a bad space and feel like I need God more that I am more disciplined in my prayer. She gave me a recommendation of a type of mediation to use, it's up to me to maintain it. We don't what to let our relationship with God get thirsty! So, even though I wanted so badly to watch "stupid tv" while on my lunch break I sat down and read the scripture for the day and the mediation that went along with it. As always, God surprised me. The mediation talked about not being a fake and being honest, yet respectful in our relationships with others , especially when it is challenging. Hmmm... that sounds kind of familiar.
It has seemed so easy to recognize Christ in so many ways these past few days. In the sweet older gentleman who chatted with my at the YMCA this morning, to the troubled faces of the girls I ministered to in jail. Maybe it isn't easy maybe my heart has turned and I am seeking, looking, and being open to God's presence in my everyday life.