Ash Wednesday

Well here we are at another Ash Wednesday. I always have good intentions at the start of Lent but they seem to fall by the way side as time moves on. I never really give something up because quiet frankly I don't think I over use any one particular thing...except for this year. I am giving up facebook. I know that you are suppose to give something up not just for the 40 days but with the intention that this will extend past Lent and improve your spiritual life over all. I am on facebook ALL THE TIME! It's the second thing I check when I get to work after my email. I know, that is wasteful of my work time. I check throughout the day just to see what all my "friends" are doing. This I have come to realize is excessive. I am giving it up cold turkey for Lent with the intent that after Easter I will have more discretion and control of my use of it. I think its a great way to stay in touch with people but I was defiantly over using it. I am also committing time to daily prayer. I have been off again on again with this. I had set aside time at lunch to eat in silence, read scripture, reflect, journal etc. But sometimes I get in the bad habit of saying, "Oh I just need a break." And then I watch stupid television over lunch. Or if I get invited to go out to lunch then I skip it completely. This leads to several days of no mid afternoon structured prayer. So, no more stupid television at lunch and if I have a lunch date I will sacrifice my Good Morning America and do it in the morning. I recognize the importance of prayer in my life and hope to continue this commitment after Lent.
I think sometimes since I work in a church I think, "Oh I'm always connected to God," or "I LIVE Lent." It's not true. I need this time to recommit to my spiritual life probably more than the people I minister to. So here we go! Or as our motto here at my church is for Lent, "Go Deeper!" I'm ready to take the plunge!

So much time has passed

Well! It's been a while hasn't it? I feel like so much has happened since I last wrote. I had intentions of writing many times but just didn't do it. There were several reasons for this. For one I was in a really bad space for awhile. The last time I wrote I was in the midst of some busy times. With in that week I found out that I was not pregnant, again, my husband, who is only 36, finnally went in for a check up and found out he has high blood pressure, high glucose, and high cholesterol, and Brian (said husband) got demoted from his position at work! Not to mention I had so much going on at my work. Things have gotten better since then. In fact Brian getting demoted was a really good thing. He is a lot less stressed, happier, and even a more helpful husband. I have had to work every night this week and have come home to clean dishes and a dog that has been walked or thoroughly exhausted from playing. We still don't know how it will affect us financially but in reality money isn't everything.
We didn't really actively "try" to conceive this month just because it was so busy and stressful. Not to mentions should a child be conceived this month is would be born during the "holiest" season of all..... deer hunting! There is still always that chance that God does want us to have a child now but I guess we'll just have to wait and see
In my work things have also gotten better, not less busy by no means but definitely more meaningful. I had one night with my high school kids where we talked about how we show mercy and justice to those in need. This topic is very near and dear to my heart so when it wasn't received well (in my own words the kids were really squirly that night) I was disappointed. However, after the meeting was over a 9th grader came up to me and asked if we could do a mission trip (this is the second time she's asked) rather than squelch the ideas, which was my first inclination, I thought about it for awhile. Why not call a meeting to discuss this possibility? Who knows maybe there are others out there who want to do this? I do know that I need the parents support on this and have emphasized that in my promotion of this event. So we shall see, the meeting is next Wednesday. In Campus Ministry we just finished our busy student retreat. I feel that it went really well. I was in charge of planning and implementing the evening prayer. This is not one of my strong suits so I enlisted the help of our music minister. She was wonderful! I'm trying not to get discouraged because my Campus Ministry boss hasn't said a thing, good or bad about the prayer. In my warped mind I think he didn't like it. I don't know why I just do. I'm probably wrong and should ignore these feelings. The young people gave me really positive feed back and some constructive criticism too.
So, all is well. I am looking forward to a quiet weekend. Maybe I'll go ice fishing with Brian. I guess that is all for now!

I guess God does know best..duh!

Well, yesterday my husband lost his salaried position as team leader. He didn't lose his job completely. He got moved to the floor where he will work for an hourly wage only 30 hours a week. Our overall (mine included) income just got cut by 1/4. Imagine if I was pregnant now, how stressful it would be thinking about lack of money to support a child. We'll be fine. We'll ride it out see what happens, make some cuts here and there. Not really sure what else to say. Doesn't do much to elevate my mood. I headed into a weekend where I'll be working 10 hours Saturday and about 6 hours Sunday. Can't wait for Monday, a full day and night off!

Feeling Down

I'm feeling down about a lot of things right now. At our home we have a dry erase calendar on which I write all the times when I'll be busy at church at night. I write other things as well but this calendar's main purpose to let my husband know when I'm gone so he can plan dinner for himself or plan to go do something or whatever. My color is purple and let me tell you February is covered in purple. It looks like the month from hell! I am right in the middle of a stretch of 12 days in a row in which I will have to be here in this building at least one time. Yuck!
Besides being busy I am getting frustrated with some things. First of all I'm getting frustrated working with college age people. I use to think they were so fun and it was refreshing to see them take an active role in their faith. Lately though, I am noticing some their generational trends. Like not being committed to doing something (i.e. saying they'll be at a meeting to plan some events and then not showing up), or having the attitude that "I might attend this event unless I have something better going on." It's just frustrating. They are so wishy washy and unreliable.
I am futher frustrated with the attitude of this parish towards our youth. I have worked really hard the past two and a half years to get a program going and to get other people in the parish to recognize the importance of the youth of the parish. I meet regularly with a committee and one thing we continually talk about is the need to invite the young people into a more active role in our parish. Because we are a Newman Center we tend to turn towards our University students first. It's hard to bring this idea of inviting the youth when I suggest inviting the youth to help with something and my boss says, "oh, I already invited three other groups of people." Okay then.
And finally, to put a nice cherry on top of it all I am sad that I am not pregnant yet. Its only been six months but I guess I just thought it would happen faster. I'm tired of the waiting and not knowing only to be disappointed. I am ready for a change, I am ready to be a mom. Why isn't God ready yet?
That's all just the ramblings of my inner soul.