Slow Day Ramblings

Well, it's another slow day here at the office. It is VERY quiet as "the priest" is on vacation. When people know he's gone they don't call or stop by as much, plus there is no noon Mass so it is very peaceful here. I've a lot time (too much) to think about this whole TTC process and the possibility of being labeled IF. It's almost time for me to O again, I'm on CD 12 and the signs are starting to show their faces. In the past DH and I started BDing early (cd 10-12) but I've kind of held him off for now. I don't know why. I guess I don't really think it makes any difference at this point. If I look back at all my charts we've tried lots of different timing around O and couple of time even BDed on O day. It's not that I've given up or don't have hope for this cycle I just don't really have any enthusiasm for it. I'm tired of all the timing and charting. If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't have started with charting. I just would have ditched the BC and waited to see what happened. Then, if nothing happened I would have started charting and timing. I guess in my mind since we didn't conceive and we were charting for a year now I think (know?) something is wrong with one or both of us. It's too hard to reverse the process and just give up the charting, I think I'll always know where I am at in my cycle now. We haven't talked about the "what if's". If we don't conceive this cycle AF is due to show her face while I am on our mission trip (perfect right?). So by the time I get back it will be a little late to see a doctor and get BW done for CD 3...right? DH talked to his friend who is an OBGYN and he said it takes 18 months to 2 years to conceive. I find this hard to believe. I mean most people say 1 year right? Also, I find it hard to believe DH actually talks about this stuff to his buddies. I know that this seems kind of like a downer post but I'm really not to sad about it...I've come to accept that this is just how it is for now and I can't do anything about it at the moment. If we don't conceive this cycle I think we'll just try again in August and maybe then look into seeing a doctor. However once fall hits DH is a hunting maniac and my work gets crazy too. Actually if we DID conceive this month it would time out perfect. We don't have anything major going on during what would be the first trimester so we wouldn't have to tell people early. Just some random thoughts on this quiet Tuesday!

Thursday Thirteen

1. I've been at work for 3 hours now and have yet to do any work

2. There really isn't that much work to be done

3. Yesterday for work I promoted our organization at Freshmen Registration on the state university campus

4. Freshmen registration is an interesting study of human behavior

5. It is also an interesting study in currant fashion trends

6. My favorite part of the day was when the parents and their kids were separated. The parents were suppose to go to a talk while the kids registered for classes. A parent approached my booth which was located outside the auditorium where the parents were and said, "I didn't go to the parent presentation, am I missing anything?" my reply was "I have no idea. I didn't go to the presentation either."

7. When there are no parents or kids around I am still expected to sit at our booth. During this time I either knit or read. Yay for getting paid for leisure activities at work.

8. The only bad part was I couldn't figure out how to log on to the University's wireless network so I couldn't surf the web

9. My new office windows face a busy street and across from the street is the University. I love to watch people running, biking, walking etc. but I don't like when they look in at me in my office.

10. Today I closed my shades because it is very hot! Even though the AC is on it just feels cooler with the shades closed.

11. When they renovated our building they took the thermostat for the secretary's office out. Now she doesn't have AC in her office. I feel kind of bad

12. When I'm at work I waste my time on facebook, twitter, reading blogs, and catching up on celebrity gossip.

13. I really should get to work!

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I'm Back!

Well, my four day graduate course was AWESOME! I can truly not put into words what an amazing program this is. If you known anything about Servant Leadership you'll agree with me. Imagine a group of 24 people from all walks of life trying to make the world a better place by learning how to lead as Christ did. That summary doesn't even give it justice! Most of our days were 8 hours long and the time just flew by. I can not wait for my next course in the Fall. My only regret is that I didn't start this program sooner and I wish I could have afforded to take more then one class this summer. I'm back at work now, trying so hard not to let the positive feelings I have from this class disappear as I get back to the nitty gritty of my "job." It couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I have barely given a thought to TTC, or to the fact that I am on Cycle 12. In fact I even forgot to take my temperature two days in a row! Crazy! That's all for now. I tried to get caught up on blogs but there were just so many updates. Hope everyone in the blog world is doing well!

And so...

My temp dropped, AF came full force overnight (nice-not), hoping grad school will keep my mind off of the fact that I am headed into cycle 12...then what?

Trying to be hopeful even though...

my temp dropped from the Triphasic level...but not below the cover line...yet. Of course when I entered in my temp on the computer this morning that hopeful "triphasic" disappeared from yesterday's entry. I WILL NOT give up hope until AF comes, which is suppose to be tomorrow. Sometimes my temp drops before she comes but not always. I have had some pretty bad cramping lately and some weird CM this morning but that's it. I don't know what to think about it. I had cramping before AF last month but never CM before AF. I also don't have any PMS or pregnancy symptoms. Usually I get really tired crabby and emotional and get a really bad headache. But I have nothing. I'm still trying to be hopeful, oh the mind games we play!
The water park was really fun yesterday even though the weather wasn't the greatest. Of course every time I went flying around a corner on a water slide I thought, "I hope if I am pregnant I'm not hurting anything!" My mom didn't wanted to go on any of the REALLY scary slides. She offered to pay for an upgrade ticket so I could go on the roller coasters (she said she didn't want to go) but I declined. The good news is if AF does come I start grad school tomorrow and will be pretty busy so hopefully that will keep my mind off things. I'll keep you posted!

Triphasic

So, it's about 6:30am and I am up and ready to go. I'm headed out with 5 (possibly 6) youth from out parish for a day at a water park. Initially I wasn't going to keep temping after O because I tend to over analyze but like I've said if I had a longer LP with high temps I would test on Father's day. So I entered my temp into my TCOYF software. I had suspected a tripahsic pattern but I thought I had one last month too so I was ignoring it. After I entered all my data the program wrote Triphasic on June 16th. It tells me it detected a triphasic pattern! I am trying not to get my hopes up but it has NEVER said that before! Now, I'm just a little worried about the water park. I LOVE water slides but I don't want to seems like a stick in the mud, plus my mom is coming with us and she'll wonder why I don't want to go on the rides. How dangerous could it be? I'll be on the look out for warning signs! In the meantime I'll be keeping my fingers crossed!

Triathlon Update!

Well, I totally ROCKED the triathlon yesterday! I am so very glad I decided to do this. For a long time I debated and put off signing up because I kept thinking, "What if I'm pregnant?" Last year I really wanted to do this tri because I knew in August we were going to start ttc and of course I'd get pregnant right away and I very well couldn't do a tri after just having a child or being VERY pregnant! Right? But I wasn't able to do the tri last year because I had something going that weekend. I guess I could have sought out a different tri but this one is local and very well organized. So I finally signed up and thought, "Well if I am pregnant I'll ask my doctor and if I can't do it I'm only out $75 which goes to a good cause anyway." So the tri was a 1/4 mile swim, 17 mile bike, and a 5K (3.2mile) run. Two years ago when I did this the bike really kicked my butt I did it in 1hr 7minutes. This time I felt do strong on the bike and when I got back from it to transition to the run my mom yelled, "You're ahead of schedule! Brian didn't think you'd be back for 10 minutes!" As it turned out I did the bike in 57 minutes shaving 10minutes off my previous time! My swim and run were pretty much the same as two years ago with just a few seconds shaved off. Over all I finished in 1hour 30 minutes and 49 seconds. I came in 6th in my age division (25-29) even thought I'm at the top of it. It was the best tri I've ever done and the closest I've come to placing. I felt so good about myself. Today I'm not even sore or tired! For one whole day I forgot about how my body has been failing me in conceiving a child and how awesome it is as an athlete. This is really quiet amazing as I spent most of my young live as an overweight in active person. It has only been in the last 9years that I've taken on this new identity as athlete...it feels so good!
But, I AM ready to take on the identity of "mom." There were a lot of women yesterday with little ones kissing them for good luck. It was super sweet! Of course the thought did cross my mind that if I am pregnant I could have harmed my baby or even unintentionally miscarried it without even knowing. I tried not to think about that. I am 10DPO and my temp is still up. I didn't test and I won't until AF is late...possibly on father's day. That's all I have for now! Hope every one's weekend went well!