Contemplating

After my last post I did go home and then got out for an AWESOME 45 minute run in the beautiful sunshine. Good thing too as yesterday was cold and gloomy, today is sunny but still cold and I won't have time to run after work. I did hit up the "Revolving Apparatus of Death" (R.A.D. aka the tread mill, this was stolen from th Fitnessista by the way).
So, I've been thinking a lot about my job. This is my 4th year here at the church and each year has been a challenge in and of itself. Every year does get a little bit better yet I still am left with a feeling that I meant to do more. I'm not really sure where this is coming from. It could be because I've been reading about Angela's amazing story on how she left her job and fulfilled her dreams. Check out her blog and her story if you haven't. One thing that I see as different in my story is that I feel like I am meant to work in some way serving God by spreading his message to others. I have always felt this way. The grad school classes I'm taking also enforce in my heart that this is what I am called to be. Yet, I question if the church I am at or the specific work I am doing is HOW I am called to do this. We talk a lot about not letting your light hide under a basket and I feel like because of the situation I am in I am forced to hide my light. Any time I try something new or suggest something new I am not heard. The problem is I don't know where I am suppose to go or what else I am suppose to do. I also have an extreme interest in health and fitness but no formal schooling in this area. I can some what dabble in this through teaching fitness classes which I love. BUT my other job is so demanding that I can not do it as much as I want to. I also use to lead Weight Watcher meetings when and I loved that too. Just, not enough time now. One of my fears is money. I married a man for is character and personality not because he was rich or made promises of giving me an "easy" life. If I didn't work it would be tough. I just feel like I'm floundering right now. I am not fulfilled. And I don't know what to do about it. Part of me wonders if my desire to have a child is also a desire to do more or do something different or just change the situation I am in. I'm not sure if that is the right reason to want a baby. Ho hum! Sorry for such a serious post on a Friday! I'm actually having a great day just have been thinking about a lot of stuff. I have grad school tonight and all day tomorrow and I am totally pumped for it! We also got Ti-Vo (or DVR I guess) yesterday and it is rocking my world! How did I ever live without it! Thanks for hearing my thoughts!

Start Again

AF came this morning...right on time. I have mixed feelings about this. I know we said we were just going to let it go and not chart or "try" and we did just that but it's hard to not think about it. It's like the elephant in the room. The plan is to "not try" for the fall so I guess two more months, then chart again and see an OB in January when I would normally get a check up. I guess we'll still stick with that plan but I can't help thinking here's one more cycle that didn't work. Something is wrong with us! I just know it! We should just get it over with and find out what it is!
I also gained 1.2lbs this week, not surprised with my lack of exercise and lack of tracking. I'm back on track though. I went to yoga at lunch time and might even squeeze in a run between finishing my office hours coming back for youth ministry. It is so beautiful out. Sunny and bright! It's been pretty gloomy the past few days and we just won't get too many more great days like this. It would be a shame to waste it.

Off my game

Well, things did not go as planned. I skipped my run on Sunday because I was feeling a little sore from teaching two classes back to back at the Y. I fully intended on running on Monday since I didn't have to teach and had the whole day free. I got a call Sunday night from someone needing a sub for the 6am Group Strength class. I figured, why not? I'd still be getting exercise and get paid. So I taught planning on running on the treadmill at the Y this morning. I was in bed before 9am and stopped reading at 9:15 to go to sleep. When my alarm went off at 5:30am I hit snooze and fell back asleep. When it went off again I just couldn't fathom getting up. So, I stayed in bed. I actually slept. Usually when this happens I toss and turn and don't really fall back asleep. I got up on my own, earlier then I had to in order to get ready for work so I did some yoga. Don't know what my deal is. Yesterday I also took a nap! A nap! I never take a nap! I actually feel pretty good right now but I'm looking forward to having another night off where I can put my sweats on an chill. AF was "due" today (based on a 28 cycle). So far I feel nothing normal like crampy or bloating or crabiness. My face did break out a lot over the weekend but healed itself right up. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that I have a little bit of hope just because I've been feeling so off. But really I didn't chart at all and we hardly BDed because DH was busy hunting and had poison ivy! And I was really busy with work.
I weigh in tomorrow. Don't know how I'll do. I actually managed to stay off the scale this week. I made some really yummy, healthy, vegetarian dishes this weekend but I haven't been very good at tracking. I'm thinking that this combined with my lack of exercise might not bode well. I am in such a state of limbo! We shall see!

Half way through the weekend!

Whew! Yesterday was a busy but fun Saturday. It's the opening of duck hunting here and Brian, his dad, his brother, and a buggy took off early in the morning to hunt! Best part is they take our dog so I don't have to attend to her. Bad part is they get up so freak'n early that I of course wake up have to pee and then have a hard time falling back asleep! I taught two classes at the YMCA yesterday, group strength and Zumba both back to back. It was a little intense but I think I did well. For some reason I was really nervous. But it all went well. Today I am really sore though. I woke up intending to run 5-6miles but I am being smart and listening to my body. Might go do some yoga in my basement soon. Yesterday I also stopped at our local Co-op and bough some fruits and veggies. I also prepped a delicious soup that I found here That will be simmering all day in the crock pot! Don't you just love the crock pot in the fall? I also ran down to the knit shop to get help on a project that was driving me mad! By the time I was done there I had to go to work/church. That went well, fairly quiet on a cold rainy Sataurday night. Then home to check the blogs, eat with the hubby, and stay up late watching a movie and knitting.
Plans for today include, yoga, a green smoothie, church/work, a yummy vegetarian lunch, a trip to the mall to get a security tag removed (annoying I know!), and while I'm there I might swing by Starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte! I also have this huge desire to try pumpkin beer and they sell it out by our mall. My friends Joe and Darick are running the Twin Cities Marathon so I'll be tracking them too! Enjoy the fall weekend!

Weighty Ramble

As you can see from my ticker I lost 0.6lbs this week...which is good...right? I'm actually getting a little frustrated. As you can tell from my posts I've been very committed to exercise and eating "clean" these past few weeks. I've also done a good job journaling what I've eaten. Yet, the weight is coming off so slowly it's hard to stay motivated. I asked the receptionist at Weight Watchers this morning (she's also a good friend) if they ever recommend that folks who exercise a lot eat all of the activity points they earn. She said they don't recommend anything one way or another just leave it as an option. One WW food point equals approx. 50 calories and one WW activity point equals approx. 100 calories burned. I've been eating about half of my activity points for a few reasons. 1. After running for 50 minutes I'm HUNGARY 2. I didn't want to eat all of them for fear I over estimated my calories burned. But is the over calorie calculations are correct I should be okay eating all of them since I still have a deficit. I'm going to try and eat all my activity points this week but try and use them for healthy clean choices like nuts, other protein, low-fat dairy, fruit, etc. I'm going to use the weekly points allowance for "treats" like chocolate and wine. I'm also going to us SparkPeople to track actual calories in and out although after just one morning of using it I feel it's kind of a pain. I do want to lose weight but more importantly I wan to be healthy.
I "ONLY" have to work 10 hours today so when I get done with work I might hit up Old Navy. I bought some yoga stuff there and love it! I'm wearing the yoga pants at work right now because I'm headed to a noon class. With black boots and a nice shirt and vest they don't look half bad. I definitely want another pair.
Also, stay tuned for a post about the AMAZING speaker I heard last night, Greg Mortenson. We had to read his book Three Cups of Tea for grad school and it was truly inspiring. I ran home and immediately wrote a paper about the book (due for class). I just want to share this amazing man's story with you!

Ramblings

It's a lovely Fall morning here in the Midwest. I ran for 50 minutes this morning it was great! I didn't feel quiet as awesome as I did last Sunday but still, I couldn't ask for better conditions. It's about 58 degrees and sunny. I returned home for a green smoothie and got caught up on the blogs. Yesterday I was in class all day. It was great! My grad school courses really inspire and keep me focused on what is really important in my calling. Some how thought it gets me thinking about my dysfunctional situation at my job, I sometimes feel trapped and don't feel like I can be the type of servant leader that I am called to be. I know that I have to accept where I am for what it is and be the best leader I can be in that situation. Yet, I feel called to more. I'm not sure what that more is. I know that God will lead me or keep me where I am suppose to be. Speaking of work I need to head there soon so I better shower and clean up the kitchen a bit. My husband has been so awesome in taking care of the dog, doing the dishes, and making dinner while I've been so busy with my stuff. He's a good guy! I'm so blessed! Have a good Sunday!

Goals

Well, I gained this week. Only 0.2lbs but still a little bit of a bummer. Today at my Weight Watcher meeting we talked about setting goals as far as weight loss goes. I've reached my "goal weight" twice in my life. The last time I did this was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving in 2003 (wow! 6 years ago). Actually this was the day I got back into range (2lbs above my goal weight). I can distinctly remember how awesome that felt. I had just gone to the mall and bought pants in a size 8! Then the day before Christmas I actually got to my goal (I think). This made healthy eating during the holidays so much easier. I was so close to goal and I wanted to reach it and keep it and never let it go. Well here I am six years later and 15lbs heavier. The eve of Thanksgiving is actually 9 weeks away and the day before Christmas Eve is 13 weeks away. I could do this again. I want to feel that successful feeling I want that pride and confidence. I will reach it. I twill get in touch with those good feelings I had 6 years ago every time I am faced with a challenging eating situation. I will remember how I felt that day stepping on the scale seeing those numbers and knowing I had achieved my ultimate goal and I'll ask myself, "Do you really want to eat that?" Or when I'm tempted to turn off the alarm and roll back over in bed I'll think about those jeans that I eventually shrunk out of. I want more than to just feel comfortable in my clothes I want them to get lose and baggy. And they will! I will do this!

Thanks for listening to me rant. Sometimes I just need to get it out there for accountability. Check out this awesome give away on Heather's blog http://heatherbakes.com/2009/09/22/amazing-grass-giveaway/ I have actually tried Amazing Grass and really like it. I especially like it in my Green Smoothies after a long run or weight lifting.

I'm headed to Yoga in an hour or so then a lovely staff meeting! Have a good hump day. Is it just me or does Wednesday really feel like a big hump to get over in the middle of the week? Thursdays just seem so much better!