Thursday, January 7, 2010
Hello blog world! Sorry to be MIA lately. I've been thinking a lot about this blog. My hubby found out that I've been writing this blog and he was not happy. In his words, "I won't want all my business out there!" I totally agree and in hindsight probably should have told him about the blog. Another blogger/friend suggested that some of the things I write are pretty personal and I agree. This started out as a blog about my challenges in ministry but really turned in to me complaining about work which is not good. Then as I began to stare down the ugly barrel of infertility and started reading other IF blogs it became away for me to share my struggles and hear from others with the same challenges. I do need a place to vent about things but I also need to respect my husband's privacy. So, I've started writing (yes actually hand writing) in a journal about some of these personal things. I'm considering leaving this blog. I'm also considering purchasing my own domain and blogging more about fitness, nutrition, as well as a little faith thrown in there and of course fun! Stay tuned as I will post my NEW blog here. I will continue to read and comment on other people's infertility blogs but I realize now that some things just shouldn't be put out there for the world to see, especially when they involve your loved ones.
My only problem is, I like what I've written here and don't want to lose it. I think it's a good document of my feelings on lots of different topics. Any ideas on how I can save my entries?
See you soon with NEW and improved blog with more focus and intention!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Sorry I've been MIA for the last couple of days. I've been hanging with my husband's fam. His sister who is married with two little boys and his brother who is married with two little girls were in town. My husband's cousin was also in town. We really didn't do that much. Pretty much just sat around playing/watching the kids play. Eating of course. I did go sledding with the older kids which was awesome! The "girls" went out shopping yesterday and got some AWESOME deals!! I also managed to get some killer workouts in! I worked out 5 days in a row 2 of those days getting double workouts in! I'm really trying to keep my running up over the winter. I always tend to slack off and then I have to build up again in the spring.
I did have one little moment of, "oh woe is me the only one without a child." My sister-in-law had a baby only 6 months ago. When they arrived my oldest niece who is 7 was so excited about her cousin and wanted to take care of him. It was so precious! I just kept thinking, "I want her to be excited about my baby!" Last year when my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant I was happy for her, also a little sad for me because I had hoped to be the one announcing that I was pregnant over the holidays. I also was hopeful that we would still get pregnant before Christmas 2009 which didn't happen. That made this Christmas a little harder. I guess I just thought we would have a baby by now. At the same time my baby nephew has not been sleeping through the night and I was once again reminded of how much work and constant care a baby is as well as older children. I do appreciate the freedom of not having children. I mean, right now I'm sitting in my pj's doing nothing. Still the longing to have a baby is getting stronger the longer it takes. Our first consult with the fertility specialist is the 18th of this month. I'm nervous about the tests and the costs of tests and procedures. What I am most worried about is that they won't find anything wrong with us and they won't be able to help us. Ignorance is bliss as they say.
I don't really have any resolutions for 2010. Of course I want to be pregnant! I want to keep up with my fitness as well as my trying to eat has clean and as close to the source as possible but also allowing myself occasional treats in moderation. Depending on the whole fertility issue I would LOVE to do an Olympic distance triathlon this year. I'm pretty sure I could do it with a little training. I would also like to do another half marathon. I also want to start saving more money in case things with my job change or so that I can feel confident to make a change in my job. My job is the source of most stress and unhappiness in my life. I want to make a change but need to do some planning before hand to make this happen. I would also like to make a bigger commitment to blogging. It would be great to get my own domain and try to blog at least daily.
Not sure what plans for the rest of my vacation include. Lots of R & R I'm sure! The next week at work is going to be brutal! I'll enjoy the peace while I can!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Hey blog world! I took a little break from blogging to enjoy the holiday weekend. I certainly am enjoying not working and just taking it easy. Yesterday I didn't get out of my jammies until after noon!
We were able to get to our Christmas Eve party which was delightful. Then we headed to Mass. Christmas day was spent at my parents enjoying their "new" kitchen and living room. Their remodel took a long time but I think it was worth it. I got a pretty tea pot and some holiday mugs which is just what I asked for! The husband and I didn't do gifts as we got a DVR earlier this year and we're getting new windows in the new year. The day after Christmas my parents, brother and I went to the Twin Cities to see A Christmas Carol in 3D IMax. It was pretty good. We then went out to lunch at Bucca. We headed back home and the husband and I met up with some friends from high school for dinner which I still wasn't hungry for due to the large lunch!
The husband decided not to fish or hunt on Sunday so we rented a ton of movies and stayed in our PJ's until after noon. By noon I was feeling, as Heather says, Rungry! (Check out her new blog design and address). I hadn't run in over a week. I hadn't had a really intense workout since I taught cycling on Wednesday. I planned on going to the YMCA for a good run AND a short swim. The run went really well. The swim started out well but then the firs alarm went off. The whole building was evacuated including the 7 of us who were in the pool. We had to stand outside in 20 degree weather in our went suits! The life guards gave us these special blankets which helped to keep our heat in but it still was not fun! Needless to say I didn't finish my swim and jumped in the hot tub when we got let back in.
I'm still off of work today but have to teach group strength at noon. I also need to clean the house a bit and work on some Zumba songs for tomorrow. We get to celebrate Christmas all over again on Wednesday when my husband's family come in town. I'm sure I'll have more pictures since the little kids will be there. They are so cute!
I certainly notice the effect of not eating well over these last few days. I feel sluggish and some times sick to my stomach due to the extra sugar and fat. I have a few easy days of clean eating before we feast again. I think being reminded of how crappy I feel when I don't eat well will help my to make better choices!
AF did show up in full force this morning. I'll blog more about my thoughts on my up coming fertility consult!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
First of all Merry Christmas! I'm not sure where you all live but I'm in the Midwest and the weather is NASTY! Snow, ice, freezing rain, rain! I feel so lucky that we don't have to go anywhere.
After my long nights spent at work watching the students studying for finals I decided to start my Christmas vacation early and took off yesterday. I had to teach cycling at the YMCA at 6:00am. After that I showered and immediately put my jammies back on. The doggie and I spent most of the day in my bed watching Flash Forward on the Internet. I really wanted to watch this show when it was on but totally missed it even with our new DVR. I started watching it while working late and now I'm hooked! I did have to get dressed to go for a hair appointment but that was about it.
I had plans to go to a fun class at the YMCA called the Jingle Bell Body Blast but I'm too afraid to drive so after my breakfast digests I might download some workouts and do them in my basement. Not sure if we'll leave the house to make it to our Christmas events tonight but I don't care. I'd rather be safe. Bad weather makes me nervous ever since I lost control on the interstate during a storm.
I did take an early pregnancy test this morning hoping for a positive to wrap up for my husband but it was negative. I'm not super sad as I know it's still early but it would have been fun!
Have a great holiday everyone! Be safe out there!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Well, I ended up staying at church until about 11:30pm. Not too bad! I could have slept in this morning since I had no where to be but of course I woke up at 6am when my husband did. Therefore I got a pretty accurate temp reading. I'm not even sure why I bother to take my temps after ovulation but oh well. The last three days my BBT has been 98.3 and today, 7dpo it was was 97.9....implantation dip????? I am really trying not to get my hopes up this time but I would also really love to cancel that appointment at the fertility center in January. Right after I ovulated I felt sick to my stomach almost all day. The only time it felt better was when I ate something. This is has been happening on and off ever since then. The dip in temp this morning furthered my hopefulness. Another weird thing, I do not want to drink alcohol. Not that I'm a huge drinker any way but I occasionally like a glass of wine. I sometimes crave red wine. Or maybe a beer depending on what we're eating or if we are out. Sometimes during the 2WW I don't drink at all and find it really challenging. This time the thought just totally turns me off. Weird!
Today I sat around in my jammies until almost 9am watching the finale of Survivor. I must say it was a pretty good season. I am really looking forward to the next season Survivor:Villains vs. Heroes! Then I cleaned the house, walked the puppers, took a nap, had some dental work done, shopped for veggies at the co-op and now I'm back at work. The husband made me a happy girl by bringing over dinner! Tonight is my last "late shift" I'll work tomorrow during the day then I'm OFF until after New Years!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
So, for the last 5 hours I've been sitting the basement of the church where I work. Why am I doing this you ask? Well, it's finals week. Since we are the Catholic church on campus and our main goal is support the student population of the public university we keep our doors open for the students. It gives them a nice quiet place to study and we stay open LATE, later then the library. We also have yummy treats for them to eat and drink. Who wouldn't want to study here? Alas someone has to "house sit" as my boss calls it. This means basically sitting around keeping an eye on things, making sure "strangers" don't come around and bother the students or eat their food. The first year I worked here I stayed until 2am! The last couple of years haven't been too bad. So my boss asked me to work this afternoon and this evening. As for my day I got up and got the laundry started, ate breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, walked the dog, went to the YMCA to run on the treadmill and do some core work, came home and finished the laundry, got here about noon. The Internet was down on my computer but that turned out to be a good thing as I got three chapters read for my grad school class, I ate 2 chocolate candies, 1 piece of peanut brittle, and one mini granola bar. I'm hoping to go home in a bit to eat dinner with my husband and then be back for the evening. I have DVD's to watch and some knitting projects to do. So yeah pretty crazy day. The worse part is not being home with my hubby and missing the season finale of Survivor. Thank God we have a DVR! Now if only I can keep from finding out who the winner is!