Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Today I woke up feeling a little better (surprisingly since I did drink half a bottle of wine!) went for a really good run. As I was running I was thinking about all the things I could do since I am not pregnant. I'm considering doing this triathlon. Last summer I wanted to do it since I figured it would be my last triathlon before being pregnant or having a new baby. (I guess I have never blogged about my experience and love of triathlons.. more to come!)I didn't do it because I had a conflict on that date. I'm also thinking of running a 5K next weekend even though I haven't been officially training but my run today felt so good! I need to lose about 10lbs to be at a healthy weight for my height. It doesn't seem like a lot but I've been struggling with it for the last year. Then of course there is the mission trip and grad school. It's funny to think that I was so concerned about being pregnant during the mission trip one day and clearly not being pregnant the next day. I'm always trying to cross bridges that aren't even built yet! I feel like I've spent the last year thinking to myself, "But what if I'm pregnant when X happens?" I'm not going to think like that any more. I must live for the day and in the present moment. To close I just want to share the daily prayer the priest sent out today. As usual it fits my circumstance perfectly!
I reprise here part of a prayer by Teilhard de Chardin:
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are, quite naturally, impatient to reach the end without delay …
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability …
and that it may take a very long time. And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually; let them grow; let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don’t try to force them on, as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own goodwill) will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be.
give our Lord the benefit of your believing that his hand is leading you.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Like I said work is busy, kind of frustrating. The programs I'm in charge of for Campus Ministry require leadership position fulfilled by students. It is my job to recruit such students. Well, let me tell you! College age students (at least the ones I'm working with) do not want to lead stuff! Especially if it's religious stuff. It's been like pulling teeth! I shouldn't really say that. I have had some positive responses but it has been challenging.
As far as that mission trip goes with my teens tomorrow is the deadline for them to apply. So far I have 3 for sures, 1 maybe but pretty sure, and that's it. I said I would do it if 5 people were interested so, we shall see!
In the world of babies and TTC, I recently checked in on Babyfit. I have been purposely avoiding this site because in the past I got a little to obsessed and then felt bad when I didn't get pregnant. There were a few women who I followed on this site starting almost a year ago (wow that's hard to believe!). Like I said I hadn't checked in for a while. One woman had her baby on time all was well. Another delivered about a month early but all is well too. The third mis-carried at 23 weeks! I felt so sad for this woman. She hadn't really maintained her blog since she got pregnant and now bam! It's full of sadness. I feel really sad for this woman. She had good looking ultra sounds and everything. So, I guess when I finally do get pregnant I'll have that to worry about too! I guess I'm over half way through the 2WW. I don't really feel pregnant. My husband said I must be because I at "an attitude" yesterday. I thought that was pretty funny.
This past weekend I switched my winter wardrobe with my summer wardrobe. I got out all the shorts and cute tops and remembered thinking when I put them away last fall, "I bet I won't even be getting these out as I'll be in maternity clothes." How wrong I was! I hope I don't have to get the winter clothes out again. The good news is I haven't gained any weight since last summer so everything fits well and looks good. I can't believe its been almost year since we started this journey! I feel like I've been thinking about it forever! Sigh! Nothing else to ramble about for now!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Speaking of preconceived notions if you haven't already seen this it's awesome! Brought tears to my eyes!
Sorry I can't embed it!
P.s. Temps are still high today!
P.p.s. I checked my records and at the end of last summer I was about 6-7lbs heavier than I am now. What difference in the way my clothes fit those pounds make! I could stand to lose a few more before I get pregnant!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Easter was good. I went to church a bunch because I wanted to, not because I had to. We had Easter dinner with my parents it was pretty fun. After we got home from their house my mom called me (hello?! We were just at your house for 5 hours!) she wanted to try and get all of us (my brother and his girlfriend and me an my husband) together for my dad's birthday which we missed in March because they were on a cruise. The only day my brother could do it was Wednesday. She asked me if I was busy...ahhh hello? I've worked at this church for 3 years and I've always had Youth Ministry on Wednesday night. Then she asked me if I could get out of it. Ahhhhh NO! I'm the Youth Minister. I was really ticked off, I mean fuming. I stomped around our house muttering myself. Brian said I should just call her and tell her why I was ticked off. I didn't want to that because I don't like confrontation. The reason I was ticked off was my brother, who works a "normal" job with "normal" day time hours didn't get asked to change his plans. Do you know what his plans were? Apartment hunting with the girlfriend. If I would have moved in with Brian before we got married my parents would have killed me! But no, my brother always gets excused. So, I did call her back and told her I was mad that I was being asked to get out of "work" or my "job" and my brother got let off the hook. She said it wasn't true that his girlfriend worked weird hours too. Anyway, I'm not sure why I even wrote all that. I am so over it (I think). Maybe its because I am proud of myself for actually telling someone how I feel. Normally I just keep it bottled up inside. Or maybe its just another example of how demanding this job is (see post from April 9th). The daily meditation my priest sent me today was a good one about how if we try and change the world and people around us and don't work on changing ourselves first we will waste our time. I know I can not change the nature of this job but some how I have to change how I am dealing with it. Maybe its just the end of the year blahs!
In TTC news I am in the dreaded TWW (two week wait). Meaning we did everything we could to try and get pregnant this cycle and now I have to wait until the next cycle begins or doesn't begin. I hate this part. I feel like I've spent half a year WAITING. Don't you think you would just KNOW if you were pregnant? I guess some women do. Then there are those who go full term without even realizing they are pregnant. I just don't get it!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I had a meeting last night about the Mission Trip and the small group that wants to go decided a week in July would work best so, I guess the issue of Grad school isn't real an issue any more. The work that we would be doing would be mucking or gutting out houses damaged by floods last summer. Not sure how being pregnant will work with this but I guess we'll cross that bridge when and if we get to it. It is not even for certain that we will go. I am asking for a minimum of 5 young people. I know one thing for sure if I am pregnant I will not jeopardize the health of my baby for this.
I guess that what I really wanted to "ramble" about was the struggle I am having with my ministry and having a real life. The whole Grad school issue was a big one but there are little things that are getting to me as well. Just for an example. My brother-in-law, his wife, and my two adorable nieces were in town last weekend. They were busy Sat. night but were hoping to have breakfast with us Sunday morning. My husband said, "If you can go to church Saturday night that would be great." My response was, "Well, actually I HAVE TO go to church Saturday night because the full time Campus Minister can't be there an I need to do announcements and greet the University students. And I CAN'T do breakfast because I HAVE TO go to church in the morning because I am doing a meeting for parents of incoming 9th graders to my youth program next year." So I missed out on spending time with my nieces. Then later in the day (on Sunday) some friends of ours called. They invited us to some hunting display (husband is a BIG hunter) and dinner at bar. Not like I'm really into hunting or bars but I really like these friends and we don't get together very often BUT I couldn't go because....yep you guessed it... I was expected to be back at church for our Sunday evening service. I know that these don't seem like huge important events. I mean it's not like I'm missing out on people's weddings or baptisms but I feel like I have to plan my whole life around this job. If I know about something far enough in advance I can usually plan my programming around it but if I already have something in my calendar work related then forget it. I've spent almost three years living like this. This doesn't even account for how it has affected my marriage. I rarely get to eat dinner with my husband and 3-4(some times more) nights a week I am here. He works a day job so SOMETIMES I get to see him for a couple of hours before I have to go back. When do finally get home he's not always awake and I am exhausted. Gee, no wonder we're not pregnant yet! When I don't have to go back and we do get to eat dinner together it is such a joy, it feels so normal. That is what I really want a "normal" life. A job where I work during the day and have my own time in the evenings. I use to perform in community theater when I was a teacher. Now, when ever I go to see a play at our community theater I feel this deep longing and sadness. There is no way I could be in a production with my schedule at work. It's the little things that are really getting to me right now. I really don't know what to do about it. I realized the other day that I went into this academic year thinking, "Any day now I'll find out I'm pregnant and then it will only be a matter of months (9 to be exact) and this crazy schedule will change." Because there is no way I can keep this up with a baby. I guess I was hoping a baby would force my work place to change. But now, there is no baby and we are already looking ahead to next year. Sounds like more of the same. Sigh! I really don't know what to do. Honestly I like the work I do just not the job. Some day I'll do a post on how my job is set up and how I think things should be around here. It's just so frustrating. I've just been thinking about it a lot, no real conclusions. I think that if I was called to be somewhere else God would let me know. I don't feel called to leave this work but I don't know how I can continue with this job.
In TTC news we are trying a more...rigourous...method so we've been a little...uh...busy! We'll see if it's in God's plan for us this time!
I am really looking forward to Easter. Sometimes working for the church also hinders my spiritual life. I often don't want to participate in any of the extra things we do around here because either A. I'll be put in charge of something or B. I've already been here five nights this week. I think with Easter I can truly get into it without worrying. I really have no responsibilities. We didn't have Youth Ministry last night so I thoroughly enjoyed the Seder supper we did for our University students, tonight is the Holy Thursday potluck and Mass, then tomorrow is Good Friday and my birthday so I don't have to work. I'll attend the noon service. Not sure about Easter. I always loved the Triduum growing up and I think the parish I now work for does a great job with our services. It's just so powerful and dramatic. Truly the most important celebration of the year.
I guess that's all for now! Blessed Easter to all!