Monday, December 28, 2009

Holiday Recap

Hey blog world! I took a little break from blogging to enjoy the holiday weekend. I certainly am enjoying not working and just taking it easy. Yesterday I didn't get out of my jammies until after noon!

We were able to get to our Christmas Eve party which was delightful. Then we headed to Mass. Christmas day was spent at my parents enjoying their "new" kitchen and living room. Their remodel took a long time but I think it was worth it. I got a pretty tea pot and some holiday mugs which is just what I asked for! The husband and I didn't do gifts as we got a DVR earlier this year and we're getting new windows in the new year. The day after Christmas my parents, brother and I went to the Twin Cities to see A Christmas Carol in 3D IMax. It was pretty good. We then went out to lunch at Bucca. We headed back home and the husband and I met up with some friends from high school for dinner which I still wasn't hungry for due to the large lunch!

The husband decided not to fish or hunt on Sunday so we rented a ton of movies and stayed in our PJ's until after noon. By noon I was feeling, as Heather says, Rungry!  (Check out her new blog design and address). I hadn't run in over a week. I hadn't had a really intense workout since I taught cycling on Wednesday. I planned on going to the YMCA for a good run AND a short swim. The run went really well. The swim started out well but then the firs alarm went off. The whole building was evacuated including the 7 of us who were in the pool. We had to stand outside in 20 degree weather in our went suits! The life guards gave us these special blankets which helped to keep our heat in but it still was not fun! Needless to say I didn't finish my swim and jumped in the hot tub when we got let back in.

I'm still off of work today but have to teach group strength at noon. I also need to clean the house a bit and work on some Zumba songs for tomorrow. We get to celebrate Christmas all over again on Wednesday when my husband's family come in town. I'm sure I'll have more pictures since the little kids will be there. They are so cute!

I certainly notice the effect of not eating well over these last few days. I feel sluggish and some times sick to my stomach due to the extra sugar and fat. I have a few easy days of clean eating before we feast again. I think being reminded of how crappy I feel when I don't eat well will help my to make better choices!

AF did show up in full force this morning. I'll blog more about my thoughts on my up coming fertility consult!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Lazy Christmas

First of all Merry Christmas! I'm not sure where you all live but I'm in the Midwest and the weather is NASTY! Snow, ice, freezing rain, rain! I feel so lucky that we don't have to go anywhere.

After my long nights spent at work watching the students studying for finals I decided to start my Christmas vacation early and took off yesterday. I had to teach cycling at the YMCA at 6:00am. After that I showered and immediately put my jammies back on. The doggie and I spent most of the day in my bed watching Flash Forward on the Internet. I really wanted to watch this show when it was on but totally missed it even with our new DVR. I started watching it while working late and now I'm hooked! I did have to get dressed to go for a hair appointment but that was about it.

I had plans to go to a fun class at the YMCA called the Jingle Bell Body Blast but I'm too afraid to drive so after my breakfast digests I might download some workouts and do them in my basement. Not sure if we'll leave the house to make it to our Christmas events tonight but I don't care. I'd rather be safe. Bad weather makes me nervous ever since I lost control on the interstate during a storm.

I did take an early pregnancy test this morning hoping for a positive to wrap up for my husband but it was negative. I'm not super sad as I know it's still early but it would have been fun!

Have a great holiday everyone! Be safe out there!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Dip?

Well, I ended up staying at church until about 11:30pm. Not too bad! I could have slept in this morning since I had no where to be but of course I woke up at 6am when my husband did. Therefore I got a pretty accurate temp reading. I'm not even sure why I bother to take my temps after ovulation but oh well. The last three days my BBT has been 98.3 and today, 7dpo it was was 97.9....implantation dip????? I am really trying not to get my hopes up this time but I would also really love to cancel that appointment at the fertility center in January. Right after I ovulated I felt sick to my stomach almost all day. The only time it felt better was when I ate something. This is has been happening on and off ever since then. The dip in temp this morning furthered my hopefulness. Another weird thing, I do not want to drink alcohol. Not that I'm a huge drinker any way but I occasionally like a glass of wine. I sometimes crave red wine. Or maybe a beer depending on what we're eating or if we are out. Sometimes during the 2WW I don't drink at all and find it really challenging. This time the thought just totally turns me off. Weird!

Today I sat around in my jammies until almost 9am watching the finale of Survivor. I must say it was a pretty good season. I am really looking forward to the next season Survivor:Villains vs. Heroes! Then I cleaned the house, walked the puppers, took a nap, had some dental work done, shopped for veggies  at the co-op and now I'm back at work. The husband made me a happy girl by bringing over dinner! Tonight is my last "late shift" I'll work tomorrow during the day then I'm OFF until after New Years!

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Sunday, December 20, 2009

It's the most interesting time of the year

So, for the last 5 hours I've been sitting the basement of the church where I work. Why am I doing this you ask? Well, it's finals week. Since we are the Catholic church on campus and our main goal is support the student population of the public university we keep our doors open for the students. It gives them a nice quiet place to study and we stay open LATE, later then the library. We also have yummy treats for them to eat and drink. Who wouldn't want to study here? Alas someone has to "house sit" as my boss calls it. This means basically sitting around keeping an eye on things, making sure "strangers" don't come around and bother the students or eat their food. The first year I worked here I stayed until 2am! The last couple of years haven't been too bad.  So my boss asked me to work this afternoon and this evening. As for my day I got up and got the laundry started, ate breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, walked the dog, went to the YMCA to run on the treadmill and do some core work, came home and finished the laundry, got here about noon. The Internet was down on my computer but that turned out to be a good thing as I got three chapters read for my grad school class, I ate 2 chocolate candies, 1 piece of peanut brittle, and one mini granola bar. I'm hoping to go home in a bit to eat dinner with my husband and then be back for the evening. I have DVD's to watch and some knitting projects to do. So yeah pretty crazy day. The worse part is not being home with my hubby and missing the season finale of Survivor. Thank God we have a DVR! Now if only I can keep from finding out who the winner is!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Blessed

Hello friends! Man have I been a slacker on blogging. I LOVE to read blogs. I don't know how some of my favorite bloggies have time to post three times a day! I wish I could do that. I guess that's why they're "famous" in the blog world. I promised myself I wouldn't read any blogs until I posted something! Sometimes I don't think I have anything to post but now that I think about it I do!

In TTC news the hubby and I gave it are all this last week! According to my lovely fertility software from Taking Charge of Your Fertility we BDed 3 out of my 5 fertile days including the day of estimated ovulation. So now, we wait. I'll be 10dpo on Christmas Eve. I've never been one to test early. I always just wait until AF shows up. The only time I've tested was when I wasn't charting and was "late". Guess I just O's late that time. I am considering testing Christmas Eve morning. Wouldn't it be awesome to wrap up a positive pregnancy test for my husband?! I also got an appointment at the fertility clinic. It's not until January 18th so I'm glad I didn't wait any longer. I am just hoping and praying I have to cancel it.

In fitness news I swam 44 laps, which is 1.2 miles, also the distance of a 1/2 ironman swim all before 7am this morning! It took me about 50minutes. I felt pretty darn good about myself! I haven't been running much. About two weeks ago we got hit with 17inches of snow that pretty much ended my outdoor running. I also work out early in the morning and don't feel comfortable running in the dark. I've done a few treadmill runs but when faced with the choice of running on a treadmill or swimming I'll pick swimming I guess.  I do really want to keep my running up over the winter. It's such a pain to try an rebuild in the spring. We'll see. As for right now I'm just listening to my body and doing what feels right.

Looking back on this past year, even though I think I should feel sad that we didn't get pregnant I truly feel blessed. My immediate family might be a bit dysfunctional but I have an awesome husband and a wonderful group of friends. My job might not always be the best but at least it's a job and sometimes I do get a glimpse of the difference I'm making. Life is good. I'm happy and healthy and trying to live each day to it's fullest, even if that means getting to put my jammy pants on at 5:30pm and chilling with my husband and dog.

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Saturday, December 12, 2009

Checking in!

Howdy folks! How's your Saturday going? Mine is just peachy! I've been up for awhile (just couldn't sleep in). I watched some Ti-voed shows and worked out. I can really tell how much more core strength I've gained doing the whittle my middle challenge over at Angela's blog. I use to really struggle during class when we did core work but today I stuck it out like a champ! I also did something this morning that I haven't done in almost a month. As I wrote about in this post I quit going to Weight Watchers about a month ago which was also the last time I weighed myself. I woke up feeling a little hungry (even though we went out last night), went to the bathroom (sorry if that' TMI), stripped down and weighed myself. Guess how much weight I've gained? None! In fact I've lost 2 or 3 lbs, I'm not even sure because I don't remember the number or what I weighed a month ago! The best part is I'm not letting the number on the scale rule my world. Like I said I don't even remember what it said. All I know is that I was in the low 170's and now I'm in the high 160's which is good enough for me. Another positive effect I've seen from my recent break up is that I don't freak out about food so much. I use to map out my week and look at all the "challenging" food situations I would be put in and try and plan around them. Try is the operative word here. I usually would starve myself and then binge or never get "back on the wagon" so to speak. Now I just eat the food that's presented to me making the healthiest choices possible given the situation and what I've eaten during the rest of the day. It's great. I'm really happy! In fact I'm just realizing now how awesome this is!

In trying to conceive news the husband and I have decided to "give it hell!" this month since next month we plan on seeing a fertility specialist. Our insurance covers very little in the way of fertility treatment so we thought we'd give it our all this month with hopes of not even having to deal with it. What this means is "doing the deed" every other day (starting today) for a week. We shall see! Let the games begin!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Snowbound

Hi there! Long time no blog, I know! Not much news to report. Yesterday, last night, and today we got OVER a FOOT of SNOW! EVERYTHING was shut down even the mall! Fortunately for me (or maybe unfortunately) I am able to walk to work so I put on my snow pants and headed out.

Last week I was really getting frustrated by my work. I totally should have blogged about it. I literally had this voice screaming in my head that said, "GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" Yeah, you know it's bad when that happens. I can't quite discern why but I was fed up. I know that when you feel this way you are suppose to answer, "What would I really like to be doing with my life?" For a long time I didn't think I had an answer. I mean, this is my life. Since I was 17 I wanted to serve God and bring His message to young people. I am only beginning to realize that you don't have to do this only through ministry. I began to imagine what it would be like to just volunteer at a church rather than have all the responsibility this job entails. Plus I think  I figured out what that other thing I would like to be doing is. Fitness and nutrition. I was begriming to think this was only a pipe dream. I mean, there is no way I would go back to school for this. But there are a TON of certifications I can get to help me fulfill this dream if only at the YMCA and part time. Which might be a good thing. Last week at my weekly meeting with the priest and my other boss J the priest said he wanted both of us to list all the "things" we've done in Campus Ministry over the last 18months. He said we needed to look at what we are doing and reevaluate it AND reevaluate our budget and possibly our staffing....Uh Oh!

Honestly I've been saying this since I've been here we do not need a full time Campus Minister (J) and a part time Associate Campus Minister (me). One person could totally do what we do together as a full time job (does it sound to you like someone (J) might not be pulling his weight?). When the possibility of losing this part time position was presented to me I really felt quite

relieved. I mean, money would be tight and all but I could do other things. I guess you know your in the wrong place when you wouldn't be sad to lose you job. So, we meet again tomorrow. I'm sure nothing major will happen until next school year or this summer but it's good to be planning ahead. On the other hand J could decide to retire and I could be offered a full time position as Campus Minister......I'm not sure I would like that either.....oh dear!

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Got the Ball Rolling

Well, I did it! I called the Fertility Center at our clinic. I really called inquiring if they ever offered appointments after 4pm (they are open 7am-4pm and my husband works from 7am-3:30pm) Unfortunately the answer was no. Their earliest appointment is 7:30am and the last consultation appointment is at 2:15pm. I also found out that they send you a packet and then when they receive that back they call to set up an appointment. I asked them to please send that to me. I know we said we would wait until January to see a specialist but I figured we better get the ball rolling. We've actually been "trying" (meaning no birth control at all) for 16 cycles. 11 out of those 16 I charted every little detail of my cycle and my life and we tried to "time" things just right. The other 5 cycles we just took a break from charting to see what would happen. So, I'm back to charting, just so I have something to show the doctor when I come in. I really don't want to say this and of course I'm not certain but I don't think the problem is with me. Just based on my charts and OPK's it appears that I ovulate pretty regularly. Of course there could be something else wrong with me. In a way it would be easier (?) if the problem was with DH, I think (from what I've read) it's easier to "fix" (right?). Well, I guess we'll find out. I guess this is the next chapter in our journey. I'll try to keep blogging about more than just IF. I think I did a pretty good job of not mentioning it too much during the last 3 months...don't you?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Grinch

Well, I see I haven't posted in a long time. My previous post was filled with joy and excitement about teaching classes at the YMCA. After that it seemed it all go downhill. Thanksgiving was bad! I'm not going to go into details but let's just say I woke up the day after Thanksgiving at 4am and cried my eyes out before falling back to sleep. It's mainly family stuff.

The weekend slowly improved as I got to spend some time with my nieces. Then a couple we are friends with stopped by our house on their way home from their Thanksgiving adventures. We drank wine, played cards, and laughed until we cried.

I still haven't gotten into the Christmas mood yet. We've bought all our Christmas presents and I've wrapped a few but I have yet to get any decorations out. I usually try to do this on Thanksgiving weekend since my life gets crazy busy at work during this time but I just wasn't feeling it.

And today I found out I'm not pregnant again. I wasn't really thinking I was but I was beginning to entertain the idea of announcing it at Christmas in a cute way. I checked out the fertility site for our clinic. I guess that's the next step. I guess I do really want to find out what's "wrong" with us but it's kind of scary all the same.

I need to perk up though! I'm teaching Zumba at 4pm and then hosting a Christmas party for the college students!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Random Ramblings

Lot's to ramble about today. First eating. So, it's been 1 week since I quit Weight Watchers. I woke up feeling darn skinny. I've been doing Ange's Whittle My Middle challenge which involves core work 5 times a week for 6-10 minutes. My core felt tight, like a corset. I really wanted to step on the scale but I refrained. I felt good and I didn't want to let a number rule my feelings. I'll probably weigh in a month. I've written down every single food that has gone in my mouth every day for a week. I don't think I ever did that on Weight Watchers. I don't write calories or anything. It does make me stop and think. For instance, today I had a  small, decaf, skinny, pumpkin spice latte. All in all I know that is not that bad but it was a treat. I was going to crack a bottle of wine but remembered my treat from before and refrained!

Exercise. So, when I started working at the YMCA I taught group cycling every other Monday and once a month on Saturdays. So about 3-4 times a month. Then I got certified to teach Zumba. They didn't put me on the schedule regularly but I taught a few Saturdays and subbed when I could. Last spring I took a Cardio/Step certification which also  certified me to teach Group Strength (kind of like BodyPump). So I taught that on the Mondays I didn't teach cycling. I was totally going to give up my ZIN (Zumba instructor network) membership ($35/month) since I wasn't on the schedule. Well, this fabulous instructor moved to Chicago so I offered to pick up her Tuesday night and Saturday classes. I also offered to teach them for the Winter/Spring schedule. With my Wednesday mornings opening up I also offered to teach Cycling on Wed. mornings starting in January. Well, another instructor quit so I picked up her remaining Wednesdays. Starting in December I'll be teaching 3-4 classes per week! I just had my review with my boss at the YMCA and was told my pay was getting bumped up from $10 per class to $13 per class! I am super pumped! If someone would have told me I'd be teaching this much 9 years a go (hey even 3 years ago I'd tell them they were crazy! I really love teaching. It's a hobby I get paid for.

I only worked half a day and got most of Thanksgiving contributions ready for tomorrow. I'm making cranberry fluff, low-fat sweet potato casserole, and I made banana muffins to take to my parents when we watch the Macy's parade. I tried one and they tasted like crap! Even though I followed the recipe only substituting whole wheat flour for regular! Oh well!

Right now I'm snuggled in bed with the space heater cranked, the doggie by my side, and a cup of tea (husband is butchering a deer). It's glorious!

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Sunday, November 22, 2009

Bragging

Sometimes I truly amaze myself. So far today (and it's 1:25pm here) I've stripped the bedding, washed it, dried it, and refreshed the bed, washed and folded two loads of laundry, went to church, hung around and chatted about the Deacon (future Father/priest) What-a-Waste (read exothermally handsome and charming) that was a guest today, shopped for produce at the Co-op, whipped up a batch of Gina's recipe for Sweet Potato Black Bean Chili (it's in the crock pot now) and a batch of Angela's Chia pudding  AND scrubbed and vacuumed the floors! Whew! Why all the scurry you ask? Well, tomorrow is usually my day off but I plan on working so I can take Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday off. It's going to be GLORIOUS!

Yesterday I ran in our annual Turkey Trot. I ran it slower than usual because I ran with two of my students. For one it was her first 5K! The other was in a horrible motorcycle accident last and year. The doctors said she shouldn't even be alive let alone able to run. It was pretty fun day. Over 2,000 runners and tons of people I know in our community. Then I helped my mother-in-law make Lefsa. Lefsa is a traditional Norwegian food made out of potatos. I should have documented it and posted it here! There is quite an art to it. You have to have a special iron and Lefsa sticks. It was fun. She didn't give me the recipe. We just worked on rolling the dough extra thin and then cooking it. Next time I'll make sure to take pictures. Here's one I found on the Internet.

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Well, as a treat to myself I'm about to head off to the cheap theater to see The Time Traveler's Wife I reread the book this summer and forgot how sad it was. Hope I'm not too disappointed. I plan on sneaking a Globar in and ordering a glass of red wine!

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Friday, November 20, 2009

Some Thoughts

Well, my mostly Vegan day went pretty well. I guess in my previous post I didn't explain why I decided to participate in Vegan week. A lot of the healthy living blogs I read feature women who are vegans or vegetarians. A lot of what they write about in regards to why they eat how they eat really makes sense to me on health aspect. I mean our ancestors weren't able to run to the store and buy loads of processed food to supplement their diet. They had to live off the land. Since marrying my husband the great hunter, I've mainly eaten the food that he brings home. I didn't realize what a healthy (and cost effective) lifestyle this was. We do eat chicken and when we go out I would some times order beef or pork. Now, however I feel a better decision for my health and the environment would be to continue "eating off the land" so to speak. Again, like most health bloggers I'm not going to compartmentalize myself or label my way of eating. I thought trying to go without dairy or any animal products would be a good experiment. I don't think there is any way I could be Vegan. I mean I live in Wisconsin after all. I also found that I get a lot of my protein from milk and yogurt hence the reason I was so hungry yesterday morning. Any way it was a fun experiment. I now have some healthy butter I can use rather than the processed I can't believe it's not butter sprayed I've used most of my life since it had 0 "points" and some left over yummy almond butter I can use on my oats.

I really felt a strong desire to weigh myself this morning but I refrained. I just felt skinnier even after eating at the potluck. I've woken up a little hungry for two days in a row now. I'm just going to revel in this feel good feeling!

 

Not much on tap for the weekend. It's the start of gun hunting and my husband has a bunch of his cousins and uncles coming in to town. I am planning on running the Turkey Trot tomorrow morning with some of my students. Not for time just for fun and to get a T-shirt with a turkey on it! Then my mother-in-law and I are planning on making leifsa! I'm also planning on taking myself to a afternoon showing of the Time Traveler's Wife at our cheap theater. I'll sit back an enjoy a glass of wine all by myself...I actually enjoy this if you can believe it!

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Thursday, November 19, 2009

Vegan for a Day!

Now, before you think, "Wow! She really jumps from extremes don't worry I am not going full Vegan. I am participating in Vegan week! The challenge is to try and eat vegan for one day or at least one meal. You can read more at Katy and Mish's blogs. So here's what I ate today:

5:30am pre run fuel 3 energy bites. These are some home made goodies that our local food co-op sells made out of nuts and other yummy ingredients all vegan!

Breakfast: Green Monster with 1/2 c  vanilla almond milk, 1/2c water, spinach, 1/4c lemon juice, pinch of cayenne pepper, 1 pear, 1 frozen banana. I bought the almond milk specifically for today. I've never tried it before. It tasted really good plain but I must say my smoothie tasted a little funny. I definitely should have added ice since the milk was warm.

I was going to have a piece of high protein toast with Earth Balance butter but when I read the ingredients for my bread it said nonfat milk! Instead I had 1/2 C of oatmeal with the almond milk and boy was that yummy! You didn't even have to add anything else to the oats!

I was really surprised that I got super hungry at around 10:30am. I usually don't get hungry until 11:30am. I'm wondering if the almond milk has less protein then regular milk? I didn't have any Vegan snacks at work so that was bummer!

I didn't get to eat lunch until 12:30pm when I had a baked sweet potato topped with Earth Balance butter, sea salt, black beans and salsa. I also had a honey crisp apple topped with almond butter. I  was definitely feeling the need for protein!

Unfortunately I won't be able to eat Vegan for dinner. We are having our annual pre Thanksgiving potluck here at church and I don't know if I could accurately decipher what was Vegan....if there was anything! I will be focusing on making the healthiest choices possible and not going overboard! I did bring some afternoon snacks back to work with me, a few carrot sticks and one of Angela's Globars, Present! So those are my Vegan meals thus far!

My husband gave me a hard time when he saw my Globar because it had 210 calories and 8grams of fat. I tried to explain to him that all the ingredients were whole and healthy but he didn't seem to buy it. I give him a hard time when he buys the chocolate covered Quaker granola bars which are actually lower in calories. This is what will be a struggle for me. I'm use to eat low "point" granola bars with low calories and lots of fiber (which also give me a belly ache). These bars were usually 2-3 points. I figured out the points for Globars before I dropped Weight Watchers and they were more like 5-6. I'm trying not think about it. Also trying not to eat them unless I am truly hungry not just because they are there and good for me.

Another part of my "plan" is to write down what I eat but without calories and such, when I eat it, and how I feel physically and mentally when I eat it. I hoping this will help me learn to intuitively eat while making smart choices. I've also decided not to weightmy self for a month. This will be tricky as I usually weighed once a week if not more!

That's all for now, got lots of work to do!

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I've been in a relationship for 15 years! Wow, 15 years and I'm only 29. This relationship started because I was 14 years old, weighed 185lbs, was inactive AND was in wedding. I so embarrassed to have to order an "extended size" bridesmaid gown and my mother was not too pleased at the price tag! My mom had tried to encourage me to diet and exercise but it wasn't until the impending wedding that I actually wanted to do something about it. So, I joined Weight Watchers. Yes, it's true I've been a Weight Watcher member (on and off again) for 15 years. This was not a "bad" relationship. In fact I actually use to lead Weight Watcher meetings when I was at goal and lived on my own. I do really think they have a sound program and it's come a long way in the last 15 years (and I should know). Lately however I've wanted to just give it a break for awhile and not because I didn't have time to go to meetings, or I wasn't the following the program, I was just looking for something different. In case you don't know when you attend WW meetings you get weighed weekly and you have to pay to attend meetings until you reach your goal weight, which is based on BMI. You write down all the food you eat and each food is assigned a points value. You can only have so many points per day plus an extra allotment for the whole week. If you exercise you "earn" more points but you choose to eat them or not ( so basically you are counting calories). I was just getting frustrated. I am not at my goal weight but I am active every day, I teach 3-4 fitness classes per week at the YMCA. When I'm not teaching I attend other classes, swim and run. I try my hardest to eat healthy, whole foods. I just didn't want to have to have the love hate relationship with food. I don't want to not eat something even though I KNOW it's nutritious but I don't have enough "points" left. One reason that kept me from quitting was I attended with my mother-in-law and it was a nice time for us to spend together on a weekly basis. We got word that our regular Wednesday morning meeting was being canceled and we would have to go to another one. This was my chance! I could tell my mother-in-law that the other times didn't really work for me (which the don't). Well, she wants to take a break too so, there you have it...I broke up with Weight Watchers.
To be honest it is quite freeing but now I'm asking myself....what do I do now? Do I quit writing down my food all together? Do I write down my food but not points and just strive for healthy whole foods? Do I weigh myself weekly? monthly? or not at all. I'm a little nervous to just quit cold turkey I certainly don't want to gain weight and I would like to be at a healthy weight for my body type. Well, I guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out more.

Friday, November 13, 2009

It's time

As you can see I have not posted for a week. In my mind and heart some pretty major things have been going on. I wanted to blog about these things and thought about how I would write about them all week. It's time that I finally got these things out. So sit back and relax this is going to be a long one.

As I mentioned in my previous post I was going to be busy with a Confirmation retreat all day on Saturday. The first year I was in charge of this retreat we did an over night, starting on Friday evening and going until Saturday noon. The previous leader of this retreat had always gone home to sleep and left University students in charge of the high school students over night. I did the same. After all I am a married woman and I only live 4 blocks away from church. Apparently in the middle of the night one young man caused quite a ruckus and ran around the church naked. Also before the retreat (literally the day of the retreat) I had a parent call and ream me out because they had NO idea this was a required event (it had been on out calendar since August) and there child couldn't go. It left me feeling pretty down and discouraged.

Last year I decided to do away with the retreat and offer two all day retreats one in the fall and one in the winter. This seemed to work out well as the young people had two dates to choose from. We met from 9:00am-6:00pm. It was a VERY long day for everyone involved. It did seem to go okay though. There was still a lot of complaining about how long the retreat was.

This year I offered the same deal only I shortened it even more going from 11:00am-6:00pm. Last Saturday's retreat only had 9 people signed up, and I knew by looking at the names that they would be quiet bunch and it might be challenging to get them to talk. All seemed to be going well despite the fact that one kid didn't show up so we were down to 8 kids. Unfortunately for us is was a BEAUTIFUL day, sunny and 70 degrees, pretty rare for Wisconsin in November. After lunch I had the young folks go outside. When I got outside one of them was missing. My small group leaders said he just walked away! I started to panic a little. One of the other young people had this young man's cell phone number. I called it and there was no answer. I left a message asking him to please call me as it was a matter of safety. I sent the rest of the kids to their next activity. I tried contacting this young man's parents. All I got was voice mail. I left messages calmly but firmly telling them what happened and asking them to call me and help locate him. I joined the rest of the group. I told the friend of the young man who walked away that if he contacted him to let me know because it was a matter of safety. Eventually I found out that the young man was fine and went to a friends house. When I finally got a hold of his mother she said she never got my messages but knew where her son was. She told me he really didn't want to go on the retreat but she told him to go and then decide it he wanted to stay (nice right? I mean he was only there for 2 hours!).  I informed her that he never let me know he was leaving and just walked away. Needless to say that this young man has decided not to to get Confirmed.

The reason I am telling you all this is to illustrate my frustration with this job and ministry in general. When I was growing up I was the kid who wanted to go on retreats. I gave up several three day weekends to go on retreats. It was through these experiences I came to discover what I thought was was God's call in my life to ministry.  I find myself asking, "Is this really for me?"It's kind of scary when you begin to doubt your whole life's work. I feel so beaten down. I feel so unsuccessful. I am one who always said, "You might never see the fruit of your labor but you must plant the seeds."  I'm getting a little jaded with this way of thinking. I feel like I am constantly bending backwards to meet the needs of the parents and young people who put church last. Even on the evaluations the young people wrote that the retreat was too long. What do these people want? I've already shortened it from an 18hour overnight retreat to a 9 hour retreat to a 7hour retreat.

I was really angry about last Saturday. Not, that a young person decided not to get confirmed that happens all the time but with how it all went down. I wasn't even given the courtesy of a phone call to let me know where this kid was, I had to call the parents several times before finding out he was safe.

I've been mulling all these occurrences and thoughts over for the past week. And this is only half of my job. The Campus Ministry portion is not going well either, but I'll save that for another post. I've really begun to take a look at my life and ask ,"Is this truly worth it? Is it worth all the time I give, the lack of a social life, working nights and weekends, not being able to spend time with my husband, and all this stress? Is it worth feeling underappreciated, and unutilized? And what am I going to do about it?" I've known for a long time that I could not do this job forever. It wasn't until this past weekend that I realized I need to start taking some action to get me out of this situation. I don't know exactly what that means or how I am going to do it. I hope that through this blog I can formulate a long term plan.

Later today I'll post some more on this and the challenges I've had with Campus Ministry and working for the Church in general. I hope these don't seem like downer posts. I don't really feel down or depressed. I'm just thinking about a lot of things and this is a good place for me to write them out.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Pumpkin and Black Bean Soup

So awhile back Heather posted this recipe on her blog. I had the ingredients but just not the time to make it. Last night the husband was off fishing so I decided to whip it up and let me tell you it was DECLICOUS! The only substitution I made was instead of heavy cream I used skim milk and I probably added a little more cayenne pepper then it calls for since I like things spicy! It was warm and rich and comforting! I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. It was also really easy to make. The whole thing probably only took me 30minutes. Besides chopping up an onion all you have to do is open cans and dump. I'm actually kind of sad that I have lunch plans and won't we able to eat the leftovers for lunch.

It was a really beautiful day yesterday I really wanted to go for a run after work but I had this terrible pain in my neck and shoulder, I think it was just because I slept funny because it's better today. When my alarm went off at 5:30am this morning the thought of running on the treadmill did not entice me. I went back to sleep and took advantage of the sun rising at 6:30 and a dog with lots of energy who like to run. We did a 30minute run up a pretty long hill and then back down. It was great! I really need to take advantage of outside running while I can.

Big Confirmation retreat tomorrow so I'll be pretty bust and should actually be working on stuff right now! Have a good weekend!

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Thursday, November 5, 2009

Why we blog

So I was reading Heather's race recap just now and remembering my first 5K. Can you believe that my first 5K was so long ago that blogging hadn't even been invented? Yes, that's right! My first 5K was in the spring of 2000.  I was never a runner, never thought of myself as a runner, and had no inclination of becoming a runner. That December I  was 19 years old weighed almost 200lbs and was living a very unhealthy lifestyle. My mom and I saw a sign at the local YMCA advertising and informational meeting on a women's triathlon group that was forming. I'm not sure which one of us decided it would be a good idea to check this out but we did (my mom was 52 at the time and not an athlete, she didn't even know how to swim). We were both inspired by what the three women giving the presentation had to say about this triathlon. They in turn empowered us to want to do a triathlon and so we started training. When I look back now that training for that triathlon was truly a transformational time in my life. I wish now that I would have documented the changes and challenges I experienced while learning to become a tri-athlete. If you would have told me then that I would now be teaching classes at that same Y I would have told you you were crazy. Sometimes I wonder how I got from there to here and wish I would have documented my journey. I don't really know why I blog. This blog started out being about my challenges with working in ministry, then changed to my challenges with infertility, and now is just a whole mess of things. Sometimes I wish that my blog would be famous and that lots of people would read it and companies would offer me products to review. I also know that in order for that to happen I would need to work harder at this blog. I don't really write to get noticed. I write for myself, to document what is going on now. I share what I write with the blog world because it is my hope that some how I connect with someone out there. I know the blogs I read have certainly formed connections within me. Sometimes I forget that I don't even know these people in the really world.

 

Why do you blog?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

What I'm missing

Well, it's been kind of a slow day here at the office. That's good I suppose. I was suppose to work three nights this week but found out this morning that A. The soup kitchen I take students to on Thursday is closed this week for remodeling and B. No students signed up go any way. Yay! A surprise night off! This is good since I have an all day retreat for our confirmation students on Saturday.

As I was swimming a mile this morning I was really missing my past colleagues at the middle school I use to work at. We were such a social bunch and really worked together to teach our students. Every morning before the bell rang we would gather in the social studies teacher's room and fill up our coffee mugs and chat about our day. When it was parent teacher conferences we would go out to the local sports bar afterwards for a drink or two. They even threw me a wedding shower. We just don't do that sort of stuff around here. It's so depressing sometimes. Guess I'm just looking for a change these days. Not sure where or how but I've got my ears perked. Like they say, "You don't know what you've got til it's gone."

On another note I have this simmering in the crock pot for when I get home! Today is my hubby's birthday and he took half a day to enjoy being out in the woods!

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Windows Live Writer

Thanks to Angela's Blog I just discovered Windows Live Writer! Where have I been? This rocks! I just had to try it out. Sorry for the random weird, downer of a post before. Will try to be more clear next time. Now to try some pics

100_4140 me2

Oh yeah! This is so much easier! Too bad I don't think I have this on my home computer just my work laptop! Okay, not so cool! Now it won't publish!

 

I guess it will publish without the pictures?

Fixed something! Hope it works!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Thinking about IF again

I wasn't going to post today because I was kind of in a bummer of a mood. First of all Aunt Flo showed up this morning. I knew she was coming yesterday so it wasn't a big surprise. I really had to PMS symptoms so I was still really hopeful that I could give the husband an AWESOME birthday present. When you've been trying for over a year it is so hard to not think about it. I'm finding it hard to not think about the what if's. What if we're not pregnant by the end of this year? What will the tests tell us? Where will we go from there? What if we are doing something wrong? Oh well. I guess I get to enjoy some read wine for awhile again...I've really been craving it.
Also, a girl at the Y who teaches Zumba is leaving. I was hoping to pick up her classes for the extra cash but got and email this morning that this other girl Lindsay took them. This Lindsay girl seemed to appear out of no where. I've never seen her at a staff meeting, I'm pretty sure she's not on the schedule but in the last two days she subbed two classes that I could have taken. Her GST class this morning was really good (really hard) but the Zumba class she subbed on Monday wasn't that good so this kind of bums me out. I did get another email from our boss that said she would get me on the Zumba schedule for winter/spring so that is good.
This crabby mood started yesterday. I was at church/work and this younger guy Dave was greeting. Dave just happened to interview for my job when I did. My one boss (K) has told me that when he came to interview he acted like he already had the job. She thinks my other boss (J) pretty much told him he had the job but the committee picked me. What bothers me is the way J treats Dave, like he's his best buddy. I wonder what life at my church would have been like if Dave would have gotten the position. I know he would have driven K nuts. I'm not saying that I don't think I'm qualified for the job or that Dave would have been better but it just irritated me.
Don't worry I'm not a total Debbie Downer today. I got my house clean and cup cakes made for my husband's birthday. Going to eat some lunch and chill for the rest of the afternoon!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

A Homey Halloween

Hi All!
I was totally going to post yesterday but I got so busy at work it just didn't happen. Then after work we went here for my husband's birthday. This is seriously one of the best restaurants and it's located in a little town south of where we live. I had planned on having the spinach lasagna but when the waitress told us one of the specials was kale and mushroom lasagna using local kale and mushrooms I just had to have it! I've never seen kale on the menu anywhere! It was very good and I'm looking forward to the leftovers for dinner. I also tried a wine called Scaia it was SOOOOOOO good! Afterwards we went on the haunted hike called Ghoulies in the Coulees so fun! Then home to watch out DVRed shows. Today we slept in and then watched a movie. I headed off to Zumba and Brian went hunting. I was considering going shopping but it's 2:30 and I'm in my bath robe with wet hair. Plus I have to head to church at 4:30. Better dry that hair or everyone will think I'm dressed up at IT for Halloween!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The things I've done

You may have noticed my weight ticker went down this morning (finally!). I've come a long way since I wrote this post. I may not have lost a lot of pounds but I:
1. have completely given up drinking coffee and only drink small amounts of caffeine in tea
2. have completely given up eating "fake" sugars like splenda and equal. I rarely use any sugar and if I do it's cane sugar
3. am wearing the same jeans in those pictures that felt tight, they don't feel tight today
4. have consistently done yoga at least 1 time a week if not more
5. have cooked lots of new recipes I've found on other blogs that are healthy and wholesome
6. changed my out look on what it means to be "healthy"
7. stopped wearing make-up

Yep! Pretty good things I think! I wouldn't mind being down in weight but oh well. I am going to stick with Weight Watchers if only for my mother-in-law's sake. Most of what they say is good but when other members or the leader starts rambling on about their delicious Weight Watcher bars or baked chips I tend to tune out. Not that those are bad things they just aren't wholesome.

In other totally unrelated, shouldn't even be mentioning it on my blog since I'm trying not to think or focus on this news: I figure I'm about 9DPO (I'm still not charting) and I have had a back ache which I mentioned earlier and bad cramps in my calves. I'm trying not to interpret these as early pregnancy signs but it's kind of hard not too. Not to mention the night I went to bed at 8pm and woke up at 6:30am. I also am trying (unsuccessfully) not to imagine how awesome it would be to give my husband a positive pregnancy test or a little onesie that says, "I love my daddy." for his birthday which just happens to fall on my estimated 15DPO and when I should technically be 1 day "late" Or I'm trying not to envision how awesome it would be to announce this news at Thanksgiving or Christmas (just like I envisioned last year) to our families. Sigh! Oh well, I guess some things never change! Maybe I'm just sore from that crazy David Farmer podcast I did on Sunday which included about 1 million downdogs!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Rambling Pumpkins!

Hello!
Well, until just about now this day has been crazy! I'm hosting a Halloween Event for my college kids tonight. Originally a young man who sells pumpkins was going to donate his left overs to us BUT he never returned my email or my phone call (annoying!). Then our secretary was going to bring me some pumpkins but she is sick today and was sick yesterday. She lives WAY out in the boonies so I wasn't about to go drive out and bug her while she's sick. On top of that I remembered that the paint we have here around church is old and crusty so I had to rush off to the craft store before even going into the office. So my plan was to work in the office in the morning I had a meeting with two students at noon and then I was going to rush home, eat lunch, whip up some corn bread to bake in the crock pot, then head out to find pumpkins and buy the rest of the groceries I needed for tonight. When I got home I discovered that someone (my husband) used all the cornmeal....kind of hard to make corn bread muffins with out cornmeal! I was getting a little frustrated with my day! I headed to the grocery store and low and behold they still had pumpkins! So I got all my shopping done for the party AND bought cornmeal. I rushed back home to whip up the cornbread and now I'm back at the office with literally nothing to do. Well, there are things I could do but nothing I HAVE to do! So that has been my day so far. I have a hair cut this afternoon. I've been growing my hair out and it's really getting annoying! I hope after this trim it will be a little more manageable!

I totally skipped my workout this morning. Last night the husband and I were in bed before 8pm...yes that's right before 8pm. We both had not slept well the night before me because he was snoring him because he claims I kept yelling at him for snoring! I swear I was asleep before 8:30. When the alarm went off at 5:30am I just couldn't bear the thought of running on the treadmill. I stayed in bed until 6:45am. I was worried I was getting sick but I feel pretty good today. My back has really been hurting when I sleep. Not sure what that's all about! I wish I could run after work it is so beautiful out! Sun shining and over 50 degrees! Alas with the hair cut and the party I don't think I'll have time. Maybe a short walk with the puppers!

Check out this AWESOME give away on Heather's Blog. Have a good day!

Monday, October 26, 2009

MIA

I was a little MIA this weekend. In face I didn't turn on the computer once yesterday. I was totally unplugged and it felt good! I had planned a long run for Sunday per my usual routine but when I woke up I just wasn't feeling it. I was a little sore from Saturday's work out and it was dark and gloomy out. I decided to listen to my body and not run. Instead I did my first ever David Farmer Power Yoga podcast. I've never even done Power Yoga and let me tell you, was I surprised! It was HARD and I was sweating! I've never sweated during yoga before. But it was all good! Glad I did it. Later in the day I went to a movie all by myself. I tried to get some of my girlfriends to go but they were all busy. I really wanted to see Julie and Julia and it was playing at our cheap theater. The husband was off hunting so I went. I was a little worried about seeing this movie. When I was reading the infertility blogs a lot of ladies said they saw this and it was about infertility. True Julia Child couldn't have a baby but that wasn't what the film focused on. The best part of the movie, they sell alcohol at the theater. I got a glass of zin and settled in for a great movie. What a splendid day to spend the afternoon! This weekend I also made this mac and cheese/squash recipe from Heather. It was delicious! And some 0 point soup (a la Weight Watchers) both of which I am looking forward to for lunch. Even though it's my day off I was suppose to go in for a meeting at 7pm tonight BUT none of my committee members could make it so I'm off the hook! This is good because I have stuff every night this week! Hope you're having a good Monday!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Busy Busy Busy!

Hi Everyone! Long time no blog! Guess what I got to do at work today?? Cook!

So I came up with an idea to help us build community among our college students Friday lunches! We did this in the past but I stopped doing it because of the cost of eating out for myself. Some of the students were also unable to afford it. So, I asked my boss if I could have some money from the budget to cook some simple lunches for our students. It went pretty well considering the fact that I prepared lunch for 5 and 15 showed up! I didn't even get to try the veggie chili I made! I got the recipe from Kraft Food and Family magazine but can't seem to find the recipe online. I also made these delicious pumpkin, chocolate, coconut bars which I read about on Heather's blog.

I put coconut on half since I know how some people feel about coconut. I'm glad I checked on these when I did because the coconut was getting a little toasty! I did get to try these and they were delicious and only 3 points (if you're a Weight Watcher) for a pretty good chunk!
Pretty soon I "have to" join the Nia group that started at church. I guess it's my new job to make sure they keep this in line with our values and mission here at church by adding a prayer component. It's a tough job but someone has to do it! Actually it's because of this lunch and Nia that I've been so busy. I know I have to get all my other important work done Tuesday-Thursday because I won't have much time on Friday. It's good...I was getting a little bored there for awhile!
In exercise news I ran Tuesday after work which was a good idea because it's been raining ever since, I did yoga on Wednesday at lunch, a Group Strength class Thursday morning, and ran on the treadmill this morning. I always considered myself a morning exerciser and even though I prefer it I am enjoying working out at different times especially if it means being outside and using the daylight while it lasts!
No plans for the weekend except a play tonight and I have to finish a paper for grad school and of course put my hours in at work! Should be pretty relaxing! Yay!



Monday, October 19, 2009

My attempt at baking!

Hi everyone! Happy Monday! It's about 6:45am and I am up and ready to go! The dish drainer has been empty, green smoothie supplies are in place, there's a load in the washer, and the doggie is waiting for a walk, I'm just waiting for it to get a little lighter out so we're not walking in the dark.

Yesterday was VERY productive except for the fact that I didn't get to post! I went to church/work at 8:30am then hit up our local food co-op for our weekly produce needs and some baking supplies. I came home and went for and AWESOME run! The weather was AMAZING! It was 550 which we haven't seen in weeks. It was sunny, a little windy but not too bad. I intended to do my 5.75 mile route. I don't usually run in the middle of the day but I've been trying running at different times so I can take advantage of the day light and not resort to using the treadmill! I was a little worried on how I'd do. I hadn't run that far in awhile and I had already been on my feet all morning. Well this was a great run! Except for dressing a little to warmly and having shed a few layers I felt so strong! I felt like I could run for ever and the hour just flew right by! My computer randomly found some old playlists I had made when I had my old MP3 players so I jammed out to that. It was wonderful! Then I came home and did something I NEVER do...I baked! I had read a few blogs that mentions these apple, raisin, walnut, muffins. They look and sounded good plus easy. I also have had a pumpkin obsession lately. Pumpkin smoothies, pumpkin oats, pumpkin beer, pumpkin lattes and decided to try these muffins on Angela's site. I must admit baking is not as hard as I thought! These turned out pretty well!
Apple, walnut, raisin muffins!

Pumpkin Muffins!

Close up of pumpkin muffins!
Close up of apple muffins.
Well, the dog is bugging me to give her a walk even though it is still dark out. Today is my day off. I've got some cleaning to do, a few Zumba songs to practice, then I teach Group Strength at the Y. The hubby and I have great plans to grocery shopping after he gets done with work whoo hoo! Exciting I know! Have a good Monday!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Saturday My Way

Hey all! Hope you're having a great Saturday! I sure am! I got to sleep in until 6:30am! Whoo hoo! I tidied up the house a bit and got some stuff together for my cycling class I was teaching. I made Operation Beautiful Notes for everyone in my class. I taped one to every bike and told folks to take it home if they would like. Some did!


Here's the one I left for tomorrows instructor before I left.



These were the other two I left

I wrote out a "to do" list. Top of the list was getting my grad school papers in order. I have one more paper to write but still need to finish the book. Other than that I am good to go. I also organized my collection of recipes. It drove me crazy every time loose papers would come flying out! I also have on my "to do" list finish reading old magazines. I know it's tough but it bugs me when the new ones come and I haven't even finished the previous issue. I just want to make sure I'm not missing anything! I also want to work on some Zumba songs, do laundry, and run to the Co-op but these can all be done tomorrow as well. I love having TIME! I do have to go into to work for a bit but it's not big deal. My Zune has been acting crazy lately so I still have to figure that out but other than that life is good! Husband is gone hunting all day and he took the puppers this morning so she's all worn out. The day is mine!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Lot's to Ramble About

Hello! Happy Friday! I don't about you but where I am it may be cold (40 degrees) but the sun is shining and we haven't seen the sun for a few days now! I've had a pretty good couple of days. I had this idea that I wanted to try here with our University students but I was afraid to bring it up to my boss because every time I do I get shot down. So yesterday was our weekly meeting. I had decided that I was just going to lay it on the line and tell him my idea and be myself....what's the worst he could say...no. Well he said yes! It was actually one of the best meetings I've had with him in the three plus years I worked here.

I also posted my first Operation Beautiful note. Seriously, check out this site. Caitlin is even writing a book because of this site! I posted my note on the sign outside of a tanning salon that I pass every day going to and from work. It makes me so sad that all these girls and guys think they have to look a certain way and in doing so are harming their bodies.


Here is the full sign





















The sign with the note a little more visible





















Then the note close up!


















I submitted this for the book but honestly I don't care if they get in or not. I just really wanted to so it! I subbing cycling class tomorrow and thinking about making a note for every bike and getting their early to tape it to each one. If the class isn't full I'll just keep the notes on the bikes that weren't taken.

On a related note, I decided not to wear makeup for a week. After reading this post by Angela I thought, "I could try this! I don't really think I look that different without make-up anyway!" So I'm on day two of that! Let me tell you! I have way more time in the morning. I still get a little worried when I look in the mirror and see some acne but I don't look in the mirror that often! My skin actually feels better!

So, I've been reading a lot of blogs similar to Caitlin's and Angela's and I am also thinking about quitting Weight Watchers. I have been an on again off again WW member for 15 years! When I was at my "goal weight" I even led meetings! I do really like the WW program. I think it has changed a lot since I was 14. They are trying to encourage more members to eat more whole foods and to get the most nutrition and fulfillment from these foods. I'm just tired of all the obsessing with tracking and counting and weighing in every week. Just for an example, the hubbie and I went to Barnes and Noble last night. I got a small, decaf, non-fat, pumpkin spice latte. It was SOOOOOOO good! I really enjoyed it. I went home and looked up the nutritional info...6 points! Holy Crap! That's usually what I eat for breakfast! Then I felt bad! I wrote it down. I guess writing it down and counting the points to make me realize I didn't need a piece of chocolate after dinner but still, why couldn't I just enjoy it and move on. It's not like a drink one of these every day. I didn't feel like "wasted" points on this. No, I am not at my ideal weight but, I can run 6 miles not problem. I teach fitness classes 2-4 times per week. I eat a ton of veggies and fruits and have even dabbled in vegetarian and vegan cuisines. I'm just afraid to let go of the program. I'm afraid I won't be able to listen to my body and over indulge too much. Also, my mother-in-law has been going to WW with me for over a year. At first she was successful but now she doesn't really follow the program. I think she just goes because then she gets to spend time with me! I don't want her to lose the few healthy habits she did learn. It also cost money which I would like to start trying to save more of! I'm still going to think about it and talk to the husband about what he thinks, especially since it's his mom!

Well, I have plans with a students of mine to go sample some pumpkin beer at a local "pub" I'm pretty excited! I've had a pumpkin obsession lately! I've had pumpkin in my Green Monster every day for two weeks! Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Yoga Healer of All Ills

Wow! Two posts in one day! I went to yoga at the YMCA over my lunch hour and I feel MUCH better! It's amazing what a little physical exercise and relaxation can do for you! I am planning on fitting in a run between my office hours and youth ministry tonight. I did this last week and whoa! I had tons of energy for those kiddos. Plus I don't get my usual morning cardio in since I got to Weight Watcher meetings in the morning. So, all seems right with the world....that is, until I chat with my coworker about the retreat situation....she just got a call from another mother! It will be fine! I'm all zen now!

Should be?

So, I should be working but I really need to write this out. I have so many thoughts going on in my head right now and they are not good ones. I'm pretty down today. Lot's going on including the fact that I haven't lost any weight in two weeks ( up 1lb in fact). But really me feeling down doesn't have anything to do with weight. It's my work...again. A lot of it stems from my previous post. My grad school class was great last weekend. Truly inspiring and energizing. At one point the professor, who also happens to be a long times personal friend of my family and has know me since I was a baby said to me, "I'm really glad you are in this program. I get the sense that at your work you don't get to use all your gifts and talents and during these classes you do." I was kind of shocked. First of all I was surprised that he knows what goes on around here (actually I'm not that surprised) but I was even more surprised that what he just said clearly articulated what I've been feeling. This is why I think I feel so frustrated here. I don't believe that I was meant to sit at a desk 90% of the time and interact with others 10% of the times. And really there isn't that much to do here at my desk yet I am expected to be here (hence the massive amount of time I spend reading blogs, twittering, and facebooking). Sometimes the work itself if just plain frustrating. We've tried to be very accommodating with our young people preparing for Confirmation. We've gone from offering one over night retreat, to two options of a full day retreat. The first one is coming up in November. The young people signed up in August/September. We sent out a reminder to the parents about the November retreat. One parent's daughter already has a conflict but if she switches there will only be three girls at the November retreat. We called the school and made arrangements for this young girl to leave our retreat 1 hours early and come to the school function 30minutes late. The mother is still raising holy hell over the whole thing. Not to mention the people I work with are kind of nuts. No one gets a long or works together very well. The woman I share an office with wouldn't let me put Halloween decorations up only "harvest". Plus this job doesn't allow me to do things I want to do like sing. I would love to be part of one of our local adult choirs but I don't always have a night free to attend rehearsal (i.e. sometimes I'm free Tuesday nights but not every Tuesday night). Or community theater. I would love to do this again but how can I when my nights are mostly booked. I'm so frustrated right now. I feel so trapped and I don't know how to get out.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Contemplating

After my last post I did go home and then got out for an AWESOME 45 minute run in the beautiful sunshine. Good thing too as yesterday was cold and gloomy, today is sunny but still cold and I won't have time to run after work. I did hit up the "Revolving Apparatus of Death" (R.A.D. aka the tread mill, this was stolen from th Fitnessista by the way).
So, I've been thinking a lot about my job. This is my 4th year here at the church and each year has been a challenge in and of itself. Every year does get a little bit better yet I still am left with a feeling that I meant to do more. I'm not really sure where this is coming from. It could be because I've been reading about Angela's amazing story on how she left her job and fulfilled her dreams. Check out her blog and her story if you haven't. One thing that I see as different in my story is that I feel like I am meant to work in some way serving God by spreading his message to others. I have always felt this way. The grad school classes I'm taking also enforce in my heart that this is what I am called to be. Yet, I question if the church I am at or the specific work I am doing is HOW I am called to do this. We talk a lot about not letting your light hide under a basket and I feel like because of the situation I am in I am forced to hide my light. Any time I try something new or suggest something new I am not heard. The problem is I don't know where I am suppose to go or what else I am suppose to do. I also have an extreme interest in health and fitness but no formal schooling in this area. I can some what dabble in this through teaching fitness classes which I love. BUT my other job is so demanding that I can not do it as much as I want to. I also use to lead Weight Watcher meetings when and I loved that too. Just, not enough time now. One of my fears is money. I married a man for is character and personality not because he was rich or made promises of giving me an "easy" life. If I didn't work it would be tough. I just feel like I'm floundering right now. I am not fulfilled. And I don't know what to do about it. Part of me wonders if my desire to have a child is also a desire to do more or do something different or just change the situation I am in. I'm not sure if that is the right reason to want a baby. Ho hum! Sorry for such a serious post on a Friday! I'm actually having a great day just have been thinking about a lot of stuff. I have grad school tonight and all day tomorrow and I am totally pumped for it! We also got Ti-Vo (or DVR I guess) yesterday and it is rocking my world! How did I ever live without it! Thanks for hearing my thoughts!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Start Again

AF came this morning...right on time. I have mixed feelings about this. I know we said we were just going to let it go and not chart or "try" and we did just that but it's hard to not think about it. It's like the elephant in the room. The plan is to "not try" for the fall so I guess two more months, then chart again and see an OB in January when I would normally get a check up. I guess we'll still stick with that plan but I can't help thinking here's one more cycle that didn't work. Something is wrong with us! I just know it! We should just get it over with and find out what it is!
I also gained 1.2lbs this week, not surprised with my lack of exercise and lack of tracking. I'm back on track though. I went to yoga at lunch time and might even squeeze in a run between finishing my office hours coming back for youth ministry. It is so beautiful out. Sunny and bright! It's been pretty gloomy the past few days and we just won't get too many more great days like this. It would be a shame to waste it.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Off my game

Well, things did not go as planned. I skipped my run on Sunday because I was feeling a little sore from teaching two classes back to back at the Y. I fully intended on running on Monday since I didn't have to teach and had the whole day free. I got a call Sunday night from someone needing a sub for the 6am Group Strength class. I figured, why not? I'd still be getting exercise and get paid. So I taught planning on running on the treadmill at the Y this morning. I was in bed before 9am and stopped reading at 9:15 to go to sleep. When my alarm went off at 5:30am I hit snooze and fell back asleep. When it went off again I just couldn't fathom getting up. So, I stayed in bed. I actually slept. Usually when this happens I toss and turn and don't really fall back asleep. I got up on my own, earlier then I had to in order to get ready for work so I did some yoga. Don't know what my deal is. Yesterday I also took a nap! A nap! I never take a nap! I actually feel pretty good right now but I'm looking forward to having another night off where I can put my sweats on an chill. AF was "due" today (based on a 28 cycle). So far I feel nothing normal like crampy or bloating or crabiness. My face did break out a lot over the weekend but healed itself right up. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that I have a little bit of hope just because I've been feeling so off. But really I didn't chart at all and we hardly BDed because DH was busy hunting and had poison ivy! And I was really busy with work.
I weigh in tomorrow. Don't know how I'll do. I actually managed to stay off the scale this week. I made some really yummy, healthy, vegetarian dishes this weekend but I haven't been very good at tracking. I'm thinking that this combined with my lack of exercise might not bode well. I am in such a state of limbo! We shall see!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Half way through the weekend!

Whew! Yesterday was a busy but fun Saturday. It's the opening of duck hunting here and Brian, his dad, his brother, and a buggy took off early in the morning to hunt! Best part is they take our dog so I don't have to attend to her. Bad part is they get up so freak'n early that I of course wake up have to pee and then have a hard time falling back asleep! I taught two classes at the YMCA yesterday, group strength and Zumba both back to back. It was a little intense but I think I did well. For some reason I was really nervous. But it all went well. Today I am really sore though. I woke up intending to run 5-6miles but I am being smart and listening to my body. Might go do some yoga in my basement soon. Yesterday I also stopped at our local Co-op and bough some fruits and veggies. I also prepped a delicious soup that I found here That will be simmering all day in the crock pot! Don't you just love the crock pot in the fall? I also ran down to the knit shop to get help on a project that was driving me mad! By the time I was done there I had to go to work/church. That went well, fairly quiet on a cold rainy Sataurday night. Then home to check the blogs, eat with the hubby, and stay up late watching a movie and knitting.
Plans for today include, yoga, a green smoothie, church/work, a yummy vegetarian lunch, a trip to the mall to get a security tag removed (annoying I know!), and while I'm there I might swing by Starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte! I also have this huge desire to try pumpkin beer and they sell it out by our mall. My friends Joe and Darick are running the Twin Cities Marathon so I'll be tracking them too! Enjoy the fall weekend!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Weighty Ramble

As you can see from my ticker I lost 0.6lbs this week...which is good...right? I'm actually getting a little frustrated. As you can tell from my posts I've been very committed to exercise and eating "clean" these past few weeks. I've also done a good job journaling what I've eaten. Yet, the weight is coming off so slowly it's hard to stay motivated. I asked the receptionist at Weight Watchers this morning (she's also a good friend) if they ever recommend that folks who exercise a lot eat all of the activity points they earn. She said they don't recommend anything one way or another just leave it as an option. One WW food point equals approx. 50 calories and one WW activity point equals approx. 100 calories burned. I've been eating about half of my activity points for a few reasons. 1. After running for 50 minutes I'm HUNGARY 2. I didn't want to eat all of them for fear I over estimated my calories burned. But is the over calorie calculations are correct I should be okay eating all of them since I still have a deficit. I'm going to try and eat all my activity points this week but try and use them for healthy clean choices like nuts, other protein, low-fat dairy, fruit, etc. I'm going to use the weekly points allowance for "treats" like chocolate and wine. I'm also going to us SparkPeople to track actual calories in and out although after just one morning of using it I feel it's kind of a pain. I do want to lose weight but more importantly I wan to be healthy.
I "ONLY" have to work 10 hours today so when I get done with work I might hit up Old Navy. I bought some yoga stuff there and love it! I'm wearing the yoga pants at work right now because I'm headed to a noon class. With black boots and a nice shirt and vest they don't look half bad. I definitely want another pair.
Also, stay tuned for a post about the AMAZING speaker I heard last night, Greg Mortenson. We had to read his book Three Cups of Tea for grad school and it was truly inspiring. I ran home and immediately wrote a paper about the book (due for class). I just want to share this amazing man's story with you!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Ramblings

It's a lovely Fall morning here in the Midwest. I ran for 50 minutes this morning it was great! I didn't feel quiet as awesome as I did last Sunday but still, I couldn't ask for better conditions. It's about 58 degrees and sunny. I returned home for a green smoothie and got caught up on the blogs. Yesterday I was in class all day. It was great! My grad school courses really inspire and keep me focused on what is really important in my calling. Some how thought it gets me thinking about my dysfunctional situation at my job, I sometimes feel trapped and don't feel like I can be the type of servant leader that I am called to be. I know that I have to accept where I am for what it is and be the best leader I can be in that situation. Yet, I feel called to more. I'm not sure what that more is. I know that God will lead me or keep me where I am suppose to be. Speaking of work I need to head there soon so I better shower and clean up the kitchen a bit. My husband has been so awesome in taking care of the dog, doing the dishes, and making dinner while I've been so busy with my stuff. He's a good guy! I'm so blessed! Have a good Sunday!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Goals

Well, I gained this week. Only 0.2lbs but still a little bit of a bummer. Today at my Weight Watcher meeting we talked about setting goals as far as weight loss goes. I've reached my "goal weight" twice in my life. The last time I did this was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving in 2003 (wow! 6 years ago). Actually this was the day I got back into range (2lbs above my goal weight). I can distinctly remember how awesome that felt. I had just gone to the mall and bought pants in a size 8! Then the day before Christmas I actually got to my goal (I think). This made healthy eating during the holidays so much easier. I was so close to goal and I wanted to reach it and keep it and never let it go. Well here I am six years later and 15lbs heavier. The eve of Thanksgiving is actually 9 weeks away and the day before Christmas Eve is 13 weeks away. I could do this again. I want to feel that successful feeling I want that pride and confidence. I will reach it. I twill get in touch with those good feelings I had 6 years ago every time I am faced with a challenging eating situation. I will remember how I felt that day stepping on the scale seeing those numbers and knowing I had achieved my ultimate goal and I'll ask myself, "Do you really want to eat that?" Or when I'm tempted to turn off the alarm and roll back over in bed I'll think about those jeans that I eventually shrunk out of. I want more than to just feel comfortable in my clothes I want them to get lose and baggy. And they will! I will do this!

Thanks for listening to me rant. Sometimes I just need to get it out there for accountability. Check out this awesome give away on Heather's blog http://heatherbakes.com/2009/09/22/amazing-grass-giveaway/ I have actually tried Amazing Grass and really like it. I especially like it in my Green Smoothies after a long run or weight lifting.

I'm headed to Yoga in an hour or so then a lovely staff meeting! Have a good hump day. Is it just me or does Wednesday really feel like a big hump to get over in the middle of the week? Thursdays just seem so much better!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The right place at the right time

Well, it's the first day of fall and I awoke to dark skies and the sound of rain falling on our roof, the perfect day to roll over and stay in bed...and that's just what I did. Yep, that's right, I did not get up and go on my intended 5 mile run. Actually I mapped my run from the other day and it was almost 6 miles! Now, wouldn't you think the scale would be my friend after that kind of run? Not so much. It's down a little bit from yesterday but not those nice 160 numbers I saw last week. I'm really okay with not running this morning. I'm a little sore from weight lifting yesterday and it has been pouring out. I hope the rain stops after work so I can take the pup for an nice long walk. I need to get away from being obsessed with the number on the scale. To be fair I'm wearing a pair of pants that a few weeks ago I was able to put on but thought, "No way! I will not be comfortable in these." Anywhoo! Not much new here. I think work is finally settling into a nice rhythm instead of craziness! Brian shot a deer (bow hunting) on Sunday so last night I hung out with my mother-in-law watching Say Yes to the Dress and Dancing with the Stars, while my husband and Father-in-law processed the deer. You should have seen Brian as we left their house with a huge bag of meat, he was so proud to be filling our freezer!

I had an awesome insight yesterday while talking with my spiritual director. I was sharing with her how glad I was to have attended the university I did at the time I did because of the great teachers and priest who are now gone. She said, "You've always been in the right place at the right time." This really hit home to me. I thought about all the wonderful experiences I've had growing up in an awesome parish as a child, attending the catholic high school in town when it was at its best, working at another parish with two awesome priests who are now gone, and so forth and so on. All of those places I attenuated or worked have changed but I got to be a part of them at a great time in their history. It didn't necessarily seem like I was in the right place at the right time, at the time but looking back I know it to be true. And so, I know that where I am right now today is the right place at the right time.

In TTC news...I've done pretty well not obesssing over this cycle but it's kind of hard to ignore the signs like lots of CM and little pains in my side and think myself I guess it's about "that time" Oh well, I'm not putting the pressure on us to BD so I guess that's good! I know God will give us a child at the right time.