Thursday, January 7, 2010
Hello blog world! Sorry to be MIA lately. I've been thinking a lot about this blog. My hubby found out that I've been writing this blog and he was not happy. In his words, "I won't want all my business out there!" I totally agree and in hindsight probably should have told him about the blog. Another blogger/friend suggested that some of the things I write are pretty personal and I agree. This started out as a blog about my challenges in ministry but really turned in to me complaining about work which is not good. Then as I began to stare down the ugly barrel of infertility and started reading other IF blogs it became away for me to share my struggles and hear from others with the same challenges. I do need a place to vent about things but I also need to respect my husband's privacy. So, I've started writing (yes actually hand writing) in a journal about some of these personal things. I'm considering leaving this blog. I'm also considering purchasing my own domain and blogging more about fitness, nutrition, as well as a little faith thrown in there and of course fun! Stay tuned as I will post my NEW blog here. I will continue to read and comment on other people's infertility blogs but I realize now that some things just shouldn't be put out there for the world to see, especially when they involve your loved ones.
My only problem is, I like what I've written here and don't want to lose it. I think it's a good document of my feelings on lots of different topics. Any ideas on how I can save my entries?
See you soon with NEW and improved blog with more focus and intention!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Sorry I've been MIA for the last couple of days. I've been hanging with my husband's fam. His sister who is married with two little boys and his brother who is married with two little girls were in town. My husband's cousin was also in town. We really didn't do that much. Pretty much just sat around playing/watching the kids play. Eating of course. I did go sledding with the older kids which was awesome! The "girls" went out shopping yesterday and got some AWESOME deals!! I also managed to get some killer workouts in! I worked out 5 days in a row 2 of those days getting double workouts in! I'm really trying to keep my running up over the winter. I always tend to slack off and then I have to build up again in the spring.
I did have one little moment of, "oh woe is me the only one without a child." My sister-in-law had a baby only 6 months ago. When they arrived my oldest niece who is 7 was so excited about her cousin and wanted to take care of him. It was so precious! I just kept thinking, "I want her to be excited about my baby!" Last year when my sister-in-law announced she was pregnant I was happy for her, also a little sad for me because I had hoped to be the one announcing that I was pregnant over the holidays. I also was hopeful that we would still get pregnant before Christmas 2009 which didn't happen. That made this Christmas a little harder. I guess I just thought we would have a baby by now. At the same time my baby nephew has not been sleeping through the night and I was once again reminded of how much work and constant care a baby is as well as older children. I do appreciate the freedom of not having children. I mean, right now I'm sitting in my pj's doing nothing. Still the longing to have a baby is getting stronger the longer it takes. Our first consult with the fertility specialist is the 18th of this month. I'm nervous about the tests and the costs of tests and procedures. What I am most worried about is that they won't find anything wrong with us and they won't be able to help us. Ignorance is bliss as they say.
I don't really have any resolutions for 2010. Of course I want to be pregnant! I want to keep up with my fitness as well as my trying to eat has clean and as close to the source as possible but also allowing myself occasional treats in moderation. Depending on the whole fertility issue I would LOVE to do an Olympic distance triathlon this year. I'm pretty sure I could do it with a little training. I would also like to do another half marathon. I also want to start saving more money in case things with my job change or so that I can feel confident to make a change in my job. My job is the source of most stress and unhappiness in my life. I want to make a change but need to do some planning before hand to make this happen. I would also like to make a bigger commitment to blogging. It would be great to get my own domain and try to blog at least daily.
Not sure what plans for the rest of my vacation include. Lots of R & R I'm sure! The next week at work is going to be brutal! I'll enjoy the peace while I can!