Thursday, April 9, 2009

Many Ramblings

Well! It's been awhile! Life has been very busy since I last updated! Work has been crazy. They finally finished our new offices so I was busy moving in and getting things set up. So far I am really enjoying it. I still have to share my office and it is smaller than my other office but there is just something about having something NEW. It's so clean and we have these great windows that are almost floor to ceiling that look out over the main street and over on to campus. It is also located away from the main office which is nice because I don't have as many people stopping by thinking I am the secretary. It's also kind of a bummer because I can't see if a students is coming in and want to visit.
I had a meeting last night about the Mission Trip and the small group that wants to go decided a week in July would work best so, I guess the issue of Grad school isn't real an issue any more. The work that we would be doing would be mucking or gutting out houses damaged by floods last summer. Not sure how being pregnant will work with this but I guess we'll cross that bridge when and if we get to it. It is not even for certain that we will go. I am asking for a minimum of 5 young people. I know one thing for sure if I am pregnant I will not jeopardize the health of my baby for this.
I guess that what I really wanted to "ramble" about was the struggle I am having with my ministry and having a real life. The whole Grad school issue was a big one but there are little things that are getting to me as well. Just for an example. My brother-in-law, his wife, and my two adorable nieces were in town last weekend. They were busy Sat. night but were hoping to have breakfast with us Sunday morning. My husband said, "If you can go to church Saturday night that would be great." My response was, "Well, actually I HAVE TO go to church Saturday night because the full time Campus Minister can't be there an I need to do announcements and greet the University students. And I CAN'T do breakfast because I HAVE TO go to church in the morning because I am doing a meeting for parents of incoming 9th graders to my youth program next year." So I missed out on spending time with my nieces. Then later in the day (on Sunday) some friends of ours called. They invited us to some hunting display (husband is a BIG hunter) and dinner at bar. Not like I'm really into hunting or bars but I really like these friends and we don't get together very often BUT I couldn't go because....yep you guessed it... I was expected to be back at church for our Sunday evening service. I know that these don't seem like huge important events. I mean it's not like I'm missing out on people's weddings or baptisms but I feel like I have to plan my whole life around this job. If I know about something far enough in advance I can usually plan my programming around it but if I already have something in my calendar work related then forget it. I've spent almost three years living like this. This doesn't even account for how it has affected my marriage. I rarely get to eat dinner with my husband and 3-4(some times more) nights a week I am here. He works a day job so SOMETIMES I get to see him for a couple of hours before I have to go back. When do finally get home he's not always awake and I am exhausted. Gee, no wonder we're not pregnant yet! When I don't have to go back and we do get to eat dinner together it is such a joy, it feels so normal. That is what I really want a "normal" life. A job where I work during the day and have my own time in the evenings. I use to perform in community theater when I was a teacher. Now, when ever I go to see a play at our community theater I feel this deep longing and sadness. There is no way I could be in a production with my schedule at work. It's the little things that are really getting to me right now. I really don't know what to do about it. I realized the other day that I went into this academic year thinking, "Any day now I'll find out I'm pregnant and then it will only be a matter of months (9 to be exact) and this crazy schedule will change." Because there is no way I can keep this up with a baby. I guess I was hoping a baby would force my work place to change. But now, there is no baby and we are already looking ahead to next year. Sounds like more of the same. Sigh! I really don't know what to do. Honestly I like the work I do just not the job. Some day I'll do a post on how my job is set up and how I think things should be around here. It's just so frustrating. I've just been thinking about it a lot, no real conclusions. I think that if I was called to be somewhere else God would let me know. I don't feel called to leave this work but I don't know how I can continue with this job.
In TTC news we are trying a more...rigourous...method so we've been a little...uh...busy! We'll see if it's in God's plan for us this time!
I am really looking forward to Easter. Sometimes working for the church also hinders my spiritual life. I often don't want to participate in any of the extra things we do around here because either A. I'll be put in charge of something or B. I've already been here five nights this week. I think with Easter I can truly get into it without worrying. I really have no responsibilities. We didn't have Youth Ministry last night so I thoroughly enjoyed the Seder supper we did for our University students, tonight is the Holy Thursday potluck and Mass, then tomorrow is Good Friday and my birthday so I don't have to work. I'll attend the noon service. Not sure about Easter. I always loved the Triduum growing up and I think the parish I now work for does a great job with our services. It's just so powerful and dramatic. Truly the most important celebration of the year.
I guess that's all for now! Blessed Easter to all!

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