Reflection

Whew! Things have somewhat slowed down around here. The biggest challenge I have with my dual position in Youth and Campus Ministry is that I always feel that I could give more to one or the other. Also, just when one slows down the other one amps up or I feel like I can give more time and energy to one of my ministries. I just don't think churches should have "part time" positions. What a joke! We all know that it is more than "part time."
This however is not what I wanted to reflect on. I read my friend Kim's blog the other day. I long to have that type of experience with my youth. I just wish they would be excited about coming to church or at least want to come rather than being forced to come by their parents. Don't get me wrong, I'm very appreciative that their parents are supporting me in this ministry but I would love it if it would come from the young people. The very day I read that post I had a high school student visit my office. In the two and a half years I have been here a high school student has never just dropped in! They had a snow day here and he came to noon Mass. This student in particular always gives me hope. He is very mature and intelligent for his age. He also has a great interest in all things Catholic. I sometimes feel sorry for him when we meet as a group since he is far above the other young people in his understanding and knowledge of the Catholic Faith, he must get bored.
On our regular Wednesday gathering I decided that since our parish was offering a communal Penance Service that our activity for the evening would be to attend as a group. The week prior we had discussed the sacrament of Reconciliation and the celebration of God's forgiveness of our sins through this sacrament. I know that for many Catholic this is often a touchy subject. I would say the majority of Catholics do not receive this Sacrament on a regular basis. Yours truly hadn't received it in about 2 1/2 years. I was prepared to be let down. I had reminded the parents that this would be our activity for the evening and invited them to join their son or daughter at the service. I truly expected that either a very small amount of young people would attend or that they would come (because mom and dad made them) and sit their sulking. Well, about 13 of my regular 16 showed up. About 1/4 came with their families and all but one chose to receive the sacrament. It was a really beautiful celebration. I asked myself why I didn't receive this sacrament more often. I found it renewing that my young people were open to this event. In face afterwards a group of girls gathered in my office just to talk about some stuff (again a first).
As with most things in my life I must learn to have patience and to trust that things will happen in God's time. All I can do is keep offering, trying, praying, and ministering to all I meet.

Another Day

These past two weeks things have really slowed down around her. I come to work thinking, "What the heck am I going to do today?" Before I know it, it's nearly 4pm. I think I found something to occupy my time with over the summer months. I was checking Frontline again, trying to email the program I watched about teens online to the Director of Youth Ministry and I found a bunch of other documentaries that looked interesting. So far for the summer I have planned, watching Frontline, catching up on my reading, and keeping this blog updated. Oh yeah, and whatever other "work" takes up my time (which is only going to be about 25 hours per week!). So yeah, summer!
Had my meeting with the priest today. It went well. We discussed the good parts of the year and the things which I need to work on, which is mainly me being more confident, less timid, and willing to communicate and stand up for my ideas. This is good since it is something I have recognized myself as an area of improvement. We talked about my relationship with my other bosses and such. I brought up the issue of me starting a family. I don't know I get all worked up about things that haven't happened yet. Of course the priest said we would cross that bridge when we got to it...duh! So yeah. I am ready to take on my third year here at the parish. If all goes as planned this will be the longest I've been at a job my whole adult life! Would I rather be teaching, sure. Will I renew my teaching license, of course. Will I always keep my ears open and eyes peeled for God is calling me next YES! Will I dutifully and enthusiastically do what I am called to do in the here and now, I will! So that's about all I know!
Tonight I'm doing a first ever 8th Pizza party, to get the kids psyched up for next year. Only 6 are coming so far, but I will minister to those six to the best of my ability. This officially ends the Youth Ministry school year! On to Summer!

Catching Up

Another quiet day here at my office. I was the only one here for a long time…not a good idea. Lots of web surfing and facebooking happened. But seriously, last night’s bowling event was great! It reinforces the belief I have that we must do more social activities in Youth Ministry. I also let the young people use my camera (don’t tell my husband it’s a $500 camera!). They took some really crazy shots. I’ll share some of the better ones they took of me. Because it’s been so slow I’ve gotten a chance to catch up on my reading, of books as well as websites. I found this really great one today http://www.godtube.com/. One the most inspiration clips I watched was this one. I think I’ll be visiting this daily for a little inspiration! Other than that things are going well. I am anticipating and end of the year review with the priest next week that should provide something interesting to write about. Hopefully I’ll post tomorrow and then we off for the 3 day Memorial Day weekend.
I am looking forward to spending the evening with some friends who are in town to help with Steamboat Season. Had this been a few weeks (I guess even a week) earlier I couldn’t have spent time with them because I had to work. I really struggle with having to sacrifice my freedom like that. You don’t realize how much you have to give up until you get a “break” and think, “Oh I normally have to take students to the Catholic Worker house on Thursdays, and I wouldn’t have been able to go out to dinner spur of the moment.” Again, another reason I long for “normalcy”

Conversation Part 2

So, after letting yesterday’s conversation roll around in my head all last night I had a thought. I was trying to go to sleep when all the things I should have said were popping through my mind. Then why don’t you just say them?! Was my final thought before finally falling asleep? I slept well but when I woke up remembered that there was something important I ought to do today. I considered my decision throughout the morning as I worked out and walked dog. When I arrived at my office I was boldly going to approach my boss, but found his office to be closed. So I shot off and email asking to meet with him. Within the hour he responded and we met. And do you know what? I felt so much better! I told him how yesterday's conversation took me by surprise because for the past few months I was happy and I had tried to set my troubles aside. I said that sometimes I feel inferior or subordinate to him, especially when he questions something I do. I also admitted that I need to stop interpreting what and how he says things to me and if I am bothered by it to ask for clarification. I don't know if he got it but at least I said it. I need to stop seeing this man as a weirdo, or an old guy. It is not that I don’t respect him. It’s just that for the longest time I have had myself convinced that we are just two very different people and we just don’t get along. After reading my entry and the email I sent to a friend I realized again that this is not true. We are much more similar than I think either one of us realizes. I really do want to get along with him. I guess it is just going to take a little more effort on my part.
Other than that things are pretty slow and boring around here. I don’t really have any programming coming up that I need to plan for so pretty much all day I dinked around on the internet, watched last night’s Frontline which was very interesting and talked about the youth of today and their connection (obsession) with the internet, read a little… that’s about it. Tonight is the last official night of Youth Ministry for the school year. We’re going bowling. Last year this was really fun so I’m looking forward to it. I wonder what I’ll do next week??????

Today

So it is this ministry that has led me to write this blog. I am currently at the end of my second year as Associate Campus Minister and Coordinator of Youth Ministry. It has not been an easy two years. In fact I have applied and sought out several (5 to be exact) other jobs over these two years. Fortunately God has gently told me that this is where I am suppose to be, even if it doesn’t always seem that way. A woman I work with told me that it took her two years to fully realize that this is a ministry not a job. I didn’t know what she meant until a few months ago.
In addition to the normal challenges that ministry brings I am faced with what I call our “dysfunctional” parish staff. Don’t get me wrong, I love all the people I work with. We are just all so unique and sometimes interact like oil and water. Also, it is balancing act working with high school students and college students. There’s always something going on.
Because of my situation for the longest time I thought I wasn’t good at this “job” I wasn’t cut out for ministry. Admidtly my heart is still attached to teaching but I know that God had called me here for a purpose.

A little background on the place where I work. I am the only person on staff under the age of 48, with the majority of the staff being in their 50’s and having worked here 10 years or more. The Priest is a brilliant and dramatic man who essentially is the boss of all us. However, I also have to other bosses I answer to. One for Youth Ministry who is a dear woman who I get along with really well. Sometimes I think her ideas for working with young people are a little off base but she does her job (D.R.E. grades K-8) really well. My other boss is quiet an eccentric man. He keeps to himself and no one knows a whole lot about him. He has such a kind heart and a passion for finding Christ in the least of God’s people. However, sometimes (most times) he treats me as a nuisance and expects me to do things similar to him. This is mostly where I am challenged. I often feel boxed in by his expectations of me. I don’t have a lot of freedom to do new programs or even do current ones in my own style. I am slowing feeling that this is changing.

What had changed most is me and my attitude. This past winter a beloved professor and mentor of mine ( and so many others) passed away from Cancer. He taught me so much about ministry and the always believed in my gifts. He didn’t tell me how hard it would be. How jaded I would become after the school I loved to much didn’t need me anymore, how the priest I idolized would leave the priesthood to marry a young woman, how my heart would break when he left this world. After a very spiritual experience on a Spring Break service trip, which I led by myself I realized what a gift I have. I know that my youth, my kindness, my openness are the gifts that I bring to these young people. For now I am here in this place that God has called me to. I am coming to realize that all these experiences have made me who I am. It is my role in ministry to wake up every day and ask God how I am best serve him that day.

The most challenging part is the hours. I rarely get to see my husband. It is currently 11:00pm on a Tuesday evening. My husband is safely tucked in bed, probably snoring away. I am in the basement of our building attending to the students who are studying for finals. My husband and I are planning on starting a family soon. I don’t know how my “job” will fit into all this but I do know that my child and family will be first. If the expectations of this job don’t allow for that it might be time for a change. But, we’ll worry about that when we get there!