Friday, March 27, 2009


So, I am sitting here at work facing a conflict. A while back I posted about a young person requesting that we do a mission trip. I went ahead with this idea and had a little meeting with parents to discuss it. Not too many people showed up but there was a general interest. The group thought the the last full week in June would be a good time to do this. I agreed. Well, I'm still hammering out the details. I was going to work with our music minister to work on an Indian Reservation in Minnesota but that fell through (as I suspected it would but that is a story for another time). So I am currently working on doing some flood relief in Iowa. I was also thinking that since I will not have a baby in June nor will I be grossly pregnant I might consider starting a Master's program that is offered in the Summer. My heart has been longing for this for sometime. It would allow me to return to my Alma Mater and to in turn benefit my ministry. Just one problem. The Summer institute meets for two weeks in June, one of them being the week of the proposed mission trip. Essentially I am in control of this event. But do I sacrifice what the young people and their parents told me was a good date? Or do I sacrifice something I truly want and desire that will ALSO benefit my ministry? I ran it by one of my bosses and of course she said that since I got people excited about this I shouldn't drop it. I tried to explain that I wouldn't drop it completely but that it might not be ideal for the kids. There is also a possibility that not enough kids will sign up for the trip. I am setting the minimum at 5. I've said this all along so I can't really change that. It's not that I don't want to see this happen. In fact I'm really pleased and excited that a young person suggested this idea. I'm just tired of sacrificing my wants and needs for this job/my ministry. This is only one BIG example of how I always feel this job comes first and I have to give something up. Am I suppose to? I just don't feel right about it. If I don't start a master's program now and I do end up getting pregnant then when do I start it? When I have a new baby at home? When my "kids" are older? And what if I am pregnant or do get pregnant before the trip? Is it safe to do manual labor? I am so conflicted right now. My head and heart are saying, "Go home, eat lunch, pray." What would you do?

1 comment:

Kimbrel said...

Tough call. Yes, it is difficult to continually sacrifice - but you have to weigh that sacrifice. Can't there be a compromise? We can do a trip, but not these weeks. And do you have to be the adult who goes on the trip? If this is your opportunity to start your Masters, than this is your opportunity and you can't deny that. Also, a very wise person once told me to always follow my instincts... and you said something jsut doesn't feel right... pay attention to that!