Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Feeling down this morning

It's not even 8:30am and I'm feeling so crabby! I shouldn't be. I'm taking off of work today to meet some friends I haven't seen in like three years to go for an awesome bike ride and then a cook out. One of my girl friends called me this morning to talk about plans for us coming to visit her. She was gushing about her new job with better pay, benefits, 25 days of vacation right of the bat, and good retirement plan retirement. I think that is what started me down this gloomy path. My job kind of stinks. I have none of those things and some days I really don't like my "job" (notice I did not say ministry here). I have this boss who I just don't understand. He asked me to take over leadership for our volunteer group that serves meals at the Salvation Army every Monday. It's just for the summer. Honestly I don't mind doing it even though it is on my day off and I had to work on Memorial day. I understand that he needs a break. But last night he showed up to eat at the Salvation Army because of some the guests missed him. What the hell? I am a married woman who's husband works a 7-3:30 job. It would be nice to spend time with him after work but no, he got home last night and I was off to the SA. My boss who is single and as far as I can tell does not have a life outside of our church claims he NEEDS me to take over for him yet shows up anyway? What is going on? Another example is we have an info table at the Freshmen Registration where we sit all day and promote ourselves. Again, I don't really mind doing it I like talking to people and helping them. I have some other obligations going on this summer with grad school AND the other part of my job, Youth Ministry plus again I wanted to get out of town with my husband. Brian and I sat down and planned out a bunch of mini trips. One we would have to leave early on a Friday. I gave my boss all of my conflicts for Freshmen Registration. For most of the Freshmen Reg. days I was free ALLLLLL day. I get an email back asking my availability for two days one of them being one I needed to leave early for. What about all the other days I offered that I was completely free? Why did he ask me to cover one I have a conflict on? I just don't get it. I can't even think about looking for another job with this economy. I don't really see moving as an option either. We are too rooted here. I am hoping that working towards my Masters might open some doors for me. Initially I was hoping that having a baby would change the situation at work but now I am fearful that things will remain the same. I don't know if I can handle that.
Last week was filled with so much fun and the party we went to with all the kids was so great. I am so ready to be a part of that club. We were the only couple with out kids. It wasn't even the cute little baby that got to me. It was all the love and need all the kids have for their parents. I want that. I want that so bad.
All hope is not lost. I am not even half way through the 2WW. I can't decide if I feel hopeful or not about this cycle. I'm just kind of blah right now.


Jessica said...

I feel the same way about not being able to give all my love to a child...I want it so bad too. Thinking of you!!

Shannon said...

Im sorry you are blah right now. I always hope that on my lowest of lows, I can only go up from there and I hope thats the same for you. Always praying for you!