Tuesday, July 1, 2008

A big long catch up!

I know, I know it’s been so long. I’ve actually been back from my vacation for a week now and am just getting around to posting. The three days I did work last week were crazy! It’s always hard to come back to work after vacation but last week was particularly brutal on me. I started going to a dark place and got frustrated with my job and was dreaming of working somewhere else!
I came back to work Wednesday and hardly a soul even asked about my trip or even acknowledged that I was back after being gone for ten days. Kind of makes you think, “What is the point of me even being here?” As per directed by my “lady” boss I am suppose to continue with Youth Ministry during the summer, since after all I am a full time employee. Last year (my first year) she sprang this on me after I had already met with the high school kids for the last time leaving them and me thinking everything was free and easy until September. She also stipulated that my activities should have some type of educational component to them (she is after all the director of religious education). I of course balked at the idea thinking that kids would want to do anything but learn over the summer. But, because I was naïve and the new kid in town I busted my butt putting together a program that I thought was both fun and educational. Before each event I would call all 65 kids that SHOULD be in our program and reminded them in an overly cheesy and excited voice about the event. At most I had 4 kids. So, as summer approached this year I asked my committee of adults what type of programs they thought I should do. One suggestion I liked was to do more service orientated programming. I thought this was a great idea. I put together a schedule of various ways we would serve throughout the summer. Some of these options are challenging to do during the school year as they don’t fall on a Wednesday evening. I was pumped. Right before I left on vacation I put out the signup sheets for two events taking place the week I got back. Strawberry picking and strawberry cleaning (two separate events) for a later fundraiser done by another committee in August. Secretly I was hoping that no one signed up as Wednesday was my first day back and I knew I would be exhausted. But one kid signed up for both events. Well, I sucked it up and got excited for that one kid. I was even more excited when a second kid showed up at my office right before the event! Alas the first kid canceled. So the one student, young man I set off for the berry farm. In all actuality this was quiet a pleasant event. This same young man came to all the events I planned summer. Last summer he barely said a word and when he did it was usually outlandish or totally inappropriate! This time we actually had a nice conversation. I could really see how he had grown in the last year. Together we picked to big flats of strawberries totaling about 4 pounds! He mentioned coming back the next night to clean.
My husband, seeing that I was busy, took off to fish on Thursday night. I set off for church ready to clean strawberries with my two faithful kids! The event started at 6:30. I sat ready with knives, cutting boards, and gallon buckets. NO ONE showed up. I stared down 4 pounds of strawberries ripening by the minute and began cutting. I started to grow angry as I thought about the lack of commitment and excitement these kids have about their faith or church in general. I prayed. I said, “God, you must have a reason for putting me in this position. Please, show it to me. I don’t know if I can go on if this is how it is going to be. There were other groups meeting in the church and I soon heard the voices of women as the finished their prayer group. I recognized one voice to be that of D. D is an older woman who spends a lot of time at church often bothering our priest as well as other members of the staff. She is always offering to “help” with anything and everything! I was too prideful to ask for help and I knew if she saw me she’d ask what I was up to (she’s kind of nosey too!). Sure enough! That’s exactly what happened! When I told her my dilemma her reply was, “Oh for goodness sakes! I’ll help you!” and she did. We had a really nice long talk. She told me about her family. How she has six children but one committed suicide. How her husband had “dropped dead” (her words not mine) one day. Her days nursing, her trip to Alaska, and such. It certainly made the time and work go faster.
Even though I am still frustrated and annoyed with the young people I have to look at this is what God wanted of me at that very moment. D needed to talk to someone; she always needs to talk to someone and a lot of times we don’t have time to talk to her. She knows this and isn’t really a bother but I’m sure she is lonely. As was I that night.
I don’t know, I hate to feel this way, and I’m sure the lack of activity around here has something to do with it but I just don’t think I can do this work the rest of my life. The thoughts (and actions) of starting a family are beginning to take shape and I cannot fathom working a 56 hour week with kids at home, I don’t want to do that. Patience, patience, I know God will show me where He needs me at that time. Right now I’m just plain bored! Like my husband says, “If they are going to pay you to sit around don’t complain!” It’s true! Maybe tomorrow I’ll clean out my desks and my book cases!

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